Tuesday, January 11, 2011


The baby was due this week. The 15th. I keep going over in my head how excited I would be, packing my bags for the hospital, my mom coming to stay with the boys, Davey on call all the time in case I went into labor. And if it was anything like Cody's birth, I would be totally prepared for a FAST delivery. I would be cleaning and sorting and making room for our new little bundle of joy. I really didn't think this week was going to be this hard.

I have been depressed, down, and sad. Crying here and there, lonely because Davey is away for work, and un-motivated to do anything.

I have been drawing nigh to God, and His comfort is real. Friends that have gone through this comfort me as well. I am so thankful to God for my boys, and my husband, and my home, and family, and friends, and that I am a homemaker, and that I have lost weight, and my fitness level, and so much more.

I am really writing this post for me. Not for everyone to feel sorry for me, everyone has had hard times. I need to remind myself what I am doing in this time of my life. I need to remind myself my goals so I don't try to get pregnant because I am sad. But the truth is, I really want another baby.

I am motivated to lose the weight, so in summer, I can get pregnant and have confidence of a healthy pregnancy. Right now, my biggest motivation for losing weight is that. Because I want another baby. I am motivated to achieve the goals I have set for myself this year while I can before another baby comes.

I am determined to lose the weight, to compete in my goals of triathlons, foot races, ect. I want to be fully ready to get pregnant. Both times I got pregnant with the boys I was not at an ideal weight or health, and because I indulged in way to many donuts boxes of donuts, I became very huge, and unhealthy. I don't want to go back to that. I am so close to my goal I can feel it. [I like to tell myself that 50 pounds is close].

So all that to say to myself, stay on course. Lose the weight. Complete your goals. Grow closer to God in this time. Then baby time.

I was born to be a wife and mother. Ever since I was little I wanted a huge family. I had day dreams about a house so full we all slept nestled together. I always hoped my Mom was pregnant and going to surprise me. Seriously. The mind of a little girl! I was not an only child but my sister was 4 years older than me and had her own cool life.

Ask anyone. I've always adored babies! So when I met my best friend in junior high, Kayla, and her family had 7 kids. I always wanted to be there! One of many reasons I fell in love with my husband [who is Kayla's oldest brother]. :)

Davey and I can honestly say we want many children. We always said 8. After we had the boys people would say, "Still want 8 kids!??". Honestly... I still want a big family! I think 5 would be perfect, but I would be happy with 4-8 kids. Or how ever many the Lord allows us. :)

I had yesterday off of training. It was nice. We went to a friends for dinner and that was encouraging, and nice to get out of the house. Today: Yoga & Cycle {hopefully, if I can get a spot}.

You know what is so hard about Triathlon training?! You have... not 1, not 2, but 3 sports in which you have to master and train for! Very time consuming and tiring. I am pumped, and
M O T I V A T E D to get it done though. In a couple of months training will be very hard.

Well, I've got laundry to do, Ground Turkey Spaghetti sauce in the crock pot for dinner to attend to, and lunch to feed the boys.

Thanks for reading my depressing post ;)

Love, The Curvy Housewife


Kendra said...

It is great that you can be so honest with your feelings out loud though, Adrienne. I lost my first pregnancy at 14 weeks, so i totally know what you are going through. You will always grieve for the baby that you lost, regardless of what the Lord blesses you with. Allow yourself to feel that. It is real. Blessings.

Adrienne said...

Thanks for that comment Kendra. I was 13 weeks. It's so hard to lose a baby that far along, you know how it feels. Thanks for sharing that with me!

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

I lost my baby at 11 weeks and it was devastating. There is hope and healing, but it's also okay to be emotional sometimes. And know that in letting God be your comfort, you are totally doing what is right and good!

Adrienne said...

Thank you! It's amazing how many women know how it feels. That's a comfort to know I'm not alone! :)

Weightless said...

I really think this will be part of your story when you talk to others about Christ. Even though going through it was tragic you've continued to rely on God to get you through. It's going to help you reach out to other women who have the same loss - and eventually grieve with them while spreading the love of God. I know it's emotional and will always be. My prayers are with you. xoxo

dawne said...

There is a time for everything and there is a season.

PCOS issues caused me to lose three children, whom I love dearly. No matter 8 weeks, 13 weeks, 20 weeks, 40 weeks -it's a horrible loss and part of you is not on earth with you. We will be reunited with our babies in heaven one day - I believe it.

Adrienne said...

Wow Dawne I am sorry for all your losses. And your right. We will be reunited with them in heaven!

blondevue... said...

Hey, you are close to your goal weight! Look how far you've come! You can do the rest! Especially with Gods help. :) I'm sorry about the feelings of your loss these days. Glad that you have God :)

Adrienne said...

Thank you Sara!! I think you are right!!
Thank you Tori! :)

Kristen said...

Glad to find someone else who has the same goal as me. I've been down in the dumps since my OB/GYN said flat out a RE wouldn't see me until I wasn't overweight.