I get the vacuum out, realize I have to pick up all the toys and laundry off the floor before I can begin. I drop some dirty socks off in the boys room where I discover all their costumes strewn about the floor. Sigh. "Boys! Get in here and clean up your room!" I start helping them, take a sippy cup from their room to the sink. Full sink of dishes, I better do them. Start the dishes, Reece asks for a snack and some milk in his baby language that only I understand. I look at the clock, it's 1:30pm already? Sheesh I need to make lunch! Start lunch. Feed the boys. Better make myself something too, I'm starving. Pretty soon a couple hours have gone by and I haven't vacuumed, boys didn't finish their room, dishes aren't done, and I'm tired!
I HATE this about myself. I have issues finishing what I start. Those few things are small, but big things as well I struggle with. Losing all the weight. Keeping goals. Doing what I say I'm going to do. Even sticking to my dinner menus. Blah.
I know I CAN stick to something if I am really motivated. Like my half marathons, and triathlons. I didn't give up on those. I finished. But those I knew I could at least finish. It wasn't like I was going to be rejected from trying. It was in my control.
I tend to give up on dreams and goals when I think I really can't achieve them. Why bother right? I always tell my husband to encourage him, "It's better to try and fail then not try at all." I should take my own advice!
On and off for a few years I've been working on a fiction book. I will go MONTHS without even opening the file. Luckily I don't delete it because I always get inspired and get back to it. I've written, erased, re-written, read and thought, "what am I doing? This is so stupid. No one will read this!" I've changed the story 3 times already.
I do NOT have a degree in English, nor am I good at it. This holds me back a lot. The only good things I have going for me are a big imagination and that I LOVE love to read and read a lot.
I also had the idea about a year ago to write an eBook on healthy living on a budget. I even had
The Wellness Mama commit to writing a couple chapters. I still plan to do this, but then that fear enters in again that, "WHY would anyone read this?" so I temporarily quit.
It's not just a book, it's anything I want to do. Losing weight, eating clean, projects in the house, taking a course, reading an educational book I promised I would, ect. I'll find excuses to not finish. My husband is the opposite. He will work all night until what he said he was going to do is done. I wish I was more like that.
I dream BIG! I can't tell you how many ideas I have for random things! This is why my husband calls me a manic. My photography business, an iPhone app idea, an idea for a book, a coffee shop with an indoor play place for kids, a hotel, a restaurant, a modest AFFORDABLE clothing line.....ect!!! LOL Before I did photography my husband helped me start a wedding planning business that went NO WHERE. Except made me realize I actually was passionate about photography.
I can't imagine how my husband feels sometimes. "Babe, I have a brilliant idea!" Eye roll from him...."No really listen!" Me jabber for 10 minuets about whatever, totally convinced that I can do it and demand him to support me. Oh man poor hubby, when all along he thinks..."Ok..sure." Not his fault. I never finish things. He is super proud of me for my photo business and my fitness and weight loss accomplishments. And I believe that's why he knows, if I really** want something, I will do it/get it. Thus he never rejects an idea cold turkey.
Right now since I can not reach my goal weight due to being with child ;) I want to commit to FINISH the book I've been working on. I
almost deleted that got scared even writing that sentence.
Finishing has been such an issue for me my whole life. Did you know I took Karate as a girl? Not really my thing I wanted to do Ballet, which eventually I did. Anyways, I made it
all the way to my red black belt. I was in black belt training. I begged my parents to let me quit because I was scared I wouldn't be able to run the three miles. Finally they gave in. I regretted that my whole life. Seriously. I have such lofty dreams and ideas. I get zealous, then suddenly quit.
I think if I can finish this book, even though it will most likely get rejected a billion times and never get published, I will be able to finish this weight loss journey. And anything else I dream off. I mean there's no limits right?? Who's to say, "You are a weight loss blogger. A mother to 3 boys and pregnant. You are a
housewife, and a photographer...NOT a writer....or a clothing designer...or whatever." I say that!!! LOL it's me! I gotta show myself I CAN finish. I know I can because I finished all those races. Some of the best days of my life :)
And what better time to finish a book than trying to rest during pregnancy due to placenta previa! I've been sitting most of the day because I keep getting braxton hicks contractions :( not good with placenta previa. Did get some cleaning done, but I need to clean the bathrooms.
Is there something you want to do but don't because you doubt you can? Am I the only maniac here?
A quote from Author J.K Rowling, who was a poor single mother that became a multi millionaire from the Harry Potter books, which were rejected 12 times before being published....oh and it took her 7 years to write.
"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending
to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct
all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I
really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the
determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was
set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still
alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old
typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation
on which I rebuilt my life."
– J. K. Rowling,
"The fringe benefits of failure", 2008
