Monday, January 25, 2010

Finding Motivation

Friday was weigh in day. I was hoping for -3.2 pounds. The anticipation as I wake up and go potty. I try not to drink any water until I weigh in. I prayed right before to see the number I want. I look down to see -1.2. Disappointment! A whole week and -1.2? Ugh! That brings me to a total of 28 pounds even. I am thankful I have lost 28 pounds, but I wanted to hit 30!
What happened? What did I do differently this week? I think two major things contributed: Friday-Sunday of last week I did not count my calories. I did not binge either... there is a big difference. I ate healthy foods, had a little dessert here and there, and did not work out those three days. I know that really effected my results. The other reason I think is, I didn't do any classes last week because I was focusing on my Tri training.

This last Friday, weigh in day, I was determined to work out and count my calories all week. Weekends are so hard for me!! Davey is home, and I am more relaxed and in a go with the flow schedule. I worked out on Saturday because I took Friday off due to my soreness. I was doing good, then my husbands family came over for a couple nights. It is not their fault at all, whenever I have company I want to bake something.. and then of course I want to eat it. And I did. I made a delicious peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream. I could not resist.
For some odd reason I was starting to feel queasy, yet getting cravings for chocolate. Strong cravings. My mother in law text me from the store and asked if we needed anything, and I asked for chocolate! "Oh no. Am I pregnant?" I panicked for a second then forgot about it while eating my chocolate. Sunday I felt the same way, queasy yet hungry, so I got a pregnancy test after church. When ever I think I am pregnant, a part of me always wants to be. I started thinking about having a girl, and calculating when she would be born, October. Way past my goal date...which meant I would have to postpone losing weight for about a year! At that moment I didn't care. I wanted to be pregnant. I felt a feeling of relief in imaging that I would be pregnant. I wouldn't have to stick to my goals and worry about losing weight for a long time. As soon as I got home I took the test. I was sad and disappointed when it said NEGATIVE. I got over that disappointment pretty quick though and was glad I can continue on my journey to losing weight and becoming healthier. After all, one of the reasons I want to lose weight is so we can have more kids and I don't gain another hundred pounds with the next two kids!

I am now entering my fourth week of consistency in losing weight and working out (I have lost weight and worked out before, but never for this long). This morning I got up and really did not want to go to the gym. I gave every excuse I could think of to stay home. But I dragged my big hiny there and got in a great work out. I felt great and motivated again....until.... I waited to long to eat and I ate way too much for lunch. Everything was "healthy", but I consumed too much. Now I probably don't have any more calories for dinner, so my mentality is, "oh well today is blown". So I go get the ice cream even though I am full. What is wrong with me?!! Ugh I make myself so mad! Now I only have 3 days until weigh in to work it off and lose to meet my goal of -30 pounds.

I am learning that I am not perfect, I will blow it sometimes, and some weeks will be better than others, but I can still just do it no matter the circumstances. I can count my calories when family is here, and if I don't, oh well tomorrow is a new day! If I blow it and binge big time, that does not make it OK to give up completely, tomorrow is a new day! The great thing about life, especially the Christian life, there is always hope!

I don't like Mondays very much. Davey left at 3:30 a.m. to go back to El stinky Centro, California for work, and when he leaves I gets real sad and sluggish. No motivation to work out, clean the house, shower, or get anything done. Thank God only two more weeks of this job. But for the record, I am truly thankful that he has a job, especially such a good paying job that should provide for his school bill. I am also thankful for his hard work ethic, all though at times I wish he would say, "No more, I'm gonna stay home and cuddle with my family." =)

Sara, my husbands cousin, my friend, and one of my followers on here, must have known I was in a slump mood, and sent me a cookbook, "Hungry Girl, 200 Recipes Under 200 Calories". I was so excited to get it! It was just the thing I needed for a shove in the right direction. I can't wait till Friday when I go grocery shopping and buy the ingredients to make the yummy meals I picked out! Thanks Sara! =)

Finding motivation can be hard, but I can do it. The cookbook, looking at the calendar and goals I want to meet, thinking of my husband and boys, working out, praying for God's help, and writing in my blog all work for getting me motivated when I want to quit. Thank you for reading and keeping me accountable! Even though I have lost a few battles, I won't surrender and lose the war. With God's help, I will have victory!

P.S. Cody fell off the bed today ;( , and Shane will be two on the 6th of Feb!


Weightless said...

I think you're doing great Adrienne, but I know how disappointing it can be when you look at the scale wanting your hard work to pay off - even more- than what the scale says. Just think back to Christmas - you've come so far since then!

One of the hardest things about "dieting" is feeling deprived. If I feel deprived, I am just going to binge later. I know myself. So I bought the cookbook to help make better choices for myself. After reading it (yes I read the whole thing, I know I'm a nerd)I knew it would be a tool that you can use because you LOVE to bake. I'm so glad you like it :) and once again you are so very welcome.

P.S. When purchasing it, I thought of it more as a reward than a shove in the right direction ;-)

adrienne said...

lol! It was definitely a reward. =) I feel the same way, if I "can't" have something, I want it even more.