Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Well, we are back home again. Too scared to jump on the scale this morning. Driving for 12-17 hours straight and snacking the whole time is not so good for weight loss. I am still not hungry from all we ate...
We were also able to stay with my sister one night in Washington and leave the boys over night with her. First time I have left Cody, and I only left Shane once when I had Cody. I am still nursing Cody even though he is almost one. It was very hard for us to be apart! I I was really hoping no one would look into my purse and see my manual breast pump! When my sister brought them to us the next day, Cody and I were very happy to see each other! =)
In the car on the way home I finished the book "Last Light" by Terrie Blackstock. Soooo good!! It is about, ALL technology going out at once due to a solar pulse that knocks EVERYTHING OUT, cars, phones, water in the home, electricity, planes, everything! So it is basically back to "Little House on the Prairie" days. Well, I found it very interesting, and thought to myself, "How would I do as a wife and a mother making food, washing clothes, taking care of the home in this condition?" So, it has really got me thinking. I want to garden vegetables, store can food and water, have chickens and cows and horses. If you had those things you and your family would survive. If not, it is survival of the fittest. They also have to bike everywhere, 20-700 miles home depending on how far away from home you were when the power went out. Could I physically do it? If my life and boys life depended on it, I would have too! Would be easier if I was already in shape and use to biking!
So I was talking to Davey about this, since I read most of it out loud for him to hear too, and I told him I wanted to start eating natural things. Not completely, but more of it. Such as, eggs, milk, cheese, butter, bread, rice, fish, chicken, fruits and vegetables, etc. Things people ate that they had on their own farms. People back then were rarely obese because they ate whole foods and worked hard to produce those foods. Lots of hard manual labor. Now I am not wanting to go extreme or anything, I still want my coffee and coffee creamer every morning! :) But I am going to try and not buy Margarine even though it is really cheap, and I want to start a vegetable farm. I already have tomatoes.
We are praying and seeking God so much about where He wants us. It is an exciting and anxious time for us. We have been seeking much counsel. We will be making a decision by the end of this week. Please pray for us! :) I know where my hearts desire is to go, but it has to be God's will, and God must give my husband a peace about where He wants us.
The Triathlon is in 3 days!!! Yikes!! I am so nervous because I have only trained once in two weeks! But God answers prayers. I was praying for a bike I could use, and since we drove thorough Morgan Hill, we were able to borrow one from my in-laws! Yay. Wish me luck.....
"There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God. Talk no more exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. The bows of the mighty men are broke, and they that stumble are girded with strenghth. They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble. The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. He raiseth the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD'S and he hath set the world upon them. He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail. The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: the LORD shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and exalt the horn of his anointed." 1 Samuel 2: 2-10
That is my favorite passage of scripture! God is so powerful. I am trying to memorize it, I just love it and how mighty our God is!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Cup Cake Disaster

I really thought I would be able to resist myself from weighing before tomorrow. Tuesday I weighed myself in hopes for a good number to motivate me to keep going. That never really works out to good because I am hoping that I am down so I will stay on the wagon, and then at the same time I hope it's bad so I can go stuff my face. Well, I was down half a pound. I am pretty sure I know why too. Stress. I never really believed that stress can make you gain or retain weight, but I can feel it, and the scale proved it.

Since getting home my main priority has been to get the house in order. I know I can still work out and do that, but man, our schedules have been so off! We were stuck on Hawaii time, so we all went to bed at the earliest of 12am, Davey and I more like 2am. Then we would walk up at like 10:30am, and I would worry about getting everything done, while stressing that I wasn't going to have time for the gym. Davey has been really busy with end of the school year projects, graduation details, a little work here and there, and phone calls to people regarding ministry. So I have not been able to depended on him watching the boys while I go to the gym. It's been killing me! Triathlon is in 9 days and I haven't worked out since Saturday!! Ugh!
I have been stressed and depressed that I was so unorganized and the house was a disaster. I felt like time was flying and nothing was getting done. I probably felt that way because I wasn't working out.

I was anxious everyday to get to the gym, but Davey would say, "Hey babe I need my whites washed." Then I need my shirt ironed for tomorrow". Then, Can you help me print my paper? Where is lunch, dinner? ect." I am HIS help-meet, and he HATES an unorganized house. So I felt like I had to stay home and work on the house and be there for him... I am just about done with the house. I re-arranged, re-decorated, organized and cleaned, did laundry, unpacked, made meals, mailed thank yous, made and mailed Davey's graduation announcements, took care of the boys, made phone calls, ran errands, bought things for the house... took them back after Davey got made at me for buying them..., planted a garden, pulled weeds, took care of a sick baby, and went to church. That is pretty much every wife/mom's schedule. Now I just have to iron, dust, mop, clean the bathroom and do the dishes. Then it all starts over! I won't be as busy though. I AM going to Spin tonight! I can't wait to feel the rush I get from it.... from pushing beyond pain.

Yesterday was my sister-in-law's 21st birthday. We wanted to bring her and her friends a cake and milk, but instead I bought cupcakes and milk. It was just easier not to have to buy forks and plate too. Only three of them came and I had 20 cupcakes... so we ended up taking home 7 of them. Six of those are mini cupcakes though, you know bite size. I don't know why, I wasn't even hungry, but I ate 4 of them this morning! UgH!!!! Weigh in tomorrow!? Spin today at 5:30! What was I thinking!?

I got up early and did my devotions before the boys woke up. So nice. Then I made everyone breakfast. Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, toast, and fresh pineapple. Egg whites for me. Then I had to go blow it.... so now it isn't even lunch time yet and I have already consumed about 900 calories. OMW! I only have 600 left for the day.

In a book I am reading by Chantel Hobbs, "Never Say Diet", she says, when you blow it, think of it as backing out of the garage and hitting your mail box on accident. Get out, evaluate the damage, then move on. You don't keep running it over, again and again because you did it once. That helped me a lot because you know me, "Oh well, I ate 4 mini cupcakes, might as well eat everything else in sight!" I am growing. =)

I probably have more ups and downs than anyone else ever trying to lose weight. But I won't quit. I think I am having more ups than downs, and I thank God for it. When I don't do to well it is usually because I forgot to pray and ask Him for help.

I am now 3 pounds away from hitting -40! and a few more pounds away from being under 200!! Yay yay yay I can't wait to see it on the scale.. I will take a picture and post it!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Getting back in the swing...

It always takes me a while to get back into the swing of things. I have not had a chance to work out yet... and the triathlon is in two weeks from today!
I am waiting for Davey to get home from helping a friend move a piano into a convalescent home, then I am heading to the gym. The boys are asleep already.. and I plan to just swim, swim, swim. I am looking forward to a long leisurely work out. How ironic that I would ever say that?
Tomorrow I plan to go to the track and try to run 6 laps straight.. 1 1/2 miles. I don't want to be sore for the tri, so I am going to rest a couple days before. Problem is my shins are sore for like a week and a half after I run! It's crazy, I know. I will just have to push through the pain.
I weighed this A.M. and won't, and I mean WON'T weigh again until Friday! I can steer clear from the scale that long, I think. =)
I am currently 20 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight with Shane, and so close to a huge milestone. I can not wait to reach it. I am motivated and on track.. I see the results and I want them and nothing is stopping me. Besides that chocolate frosting in the fridge my sister in law left in there.... NO! Nothing! In the trash it goes.

P.S. I don't have many pictures of Shane from the front because he wouldn't sit still for one! ;)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Home sweet home

I have so much to write. I missed you all. I missed the gym, and I missed my calorie counting journal. I really missed my Thursday Spin class, and I missed home. Home sweet home.

"Home is where the heart is" is what many wall hangings and pillows say. I really believe this is true. Where is your heart though? My heart is for God, and for my family. Where ever my family is that is my home...This "home" is only temporary though because we are just passing through. Our real home is in heaven with God our Father.
That is a comforting thought!!

Hawaii was great. Where do I start. The flight there was pretty good. 5 1/2 hours on a plane with a 2 year old and an almost 1 year old is not that fun, but the boys did exceptionally well. I brought my laptop and they watched movies. Cody nursed and slept a lot of the flight too.

The Pastor and Youth Pastor met us at the airport with real leis. That was awesome. From that moment we were busy. We headed to McDonald's for lunch, then to see the church, then Davey and the Pastor talked for a couple hours while I tried to
get the boys to sleep in the nursery. Didn't happen. At LAX and the whole flight there whenever I would walk my slip would literally fall off me. So on the plane I took it off. Bad idea. The humidity hit when we landed and my dress clung to me and my legs started to sweat. I kept thinking what a horrible first impression, fat sweaty lady with a dress clinging to her rear. Finally I cooled off and was able to freshen the boys up, but my bag was still in the car and I didn't have time to change between dinner at the Pastor's and church that night. I felt stinky and sticky and really wanted to shower before church but didn't have time.
Davey preached an awesome message on God's holiness that night. The church family was great, they all knew our names and were so glad we were there. We stayed with such a sweet family. There home was 6,000 sq ft. Whoa. 3 stories, our room was on the top level. Lots of stairs. Good for the rear though :) We had a place to go everyday. The only free time we had was Thursday to recover from jet lag, which we did at the beach. It was a man-made lagoon so there was no waves, the boys could play and it was safe.

That night we had dinner at Panda, then we went visiting people who had visited the church. I went with a lady named Rachel, a teacher. We went to Pearl Harbor to a young lady's house whose husband is in the Navy. He was out to sea at that time, and she invited us in. She is hurting a lot right now. She is in the middle of a bad divorce, and just mis-carried twins. Her husband drinks a lot and that is one reason they are getting a divorce. She said her husband came home from being at sea and said, "This isn't working, you are too fat to have sex with and I want a divorce!". Can you believe that?!!! I almost cried. I shared with her that even though she feels so hopeless, there is hope, and it is with Jesus. He makes all things possible and through Him her marriage and life could be saved. I really saw myself in her if God hadn't changed my life. I thank God for Him and His
goodness!! For saving me and changing me and my husband. I am thankful my husband won't leave me for gaining weight.

Friday my husband worked at the church all day and the boys and I drove around, went to Safeway to see how expensive groceries are there, and hung out at the house we stayed at.

That night we had the Singles bible study. Davey preached and then we had fellowship.

Saturday the Singles took us to the Dole Plantation, where we did the maze (a maze in a pineapple field). We split into two teams and raced. All the girls in the singles class are thin, athletic, and competitive. ALL the guys are in the military. So my immediate thought was, "Oh no, running with Davey and military guys will not be easy! I won't be able to keep up!". Well I did, and I could have kept going. It was a good work out. It took us 26 minuets, and we beat the other team.

Being that the group we would be leading are mostly military young men was intimidating. I just imagined what they thought of me. "Why is he married to a fat lady? I don't want to be in the ministry, I don't want a fat wife..." ect. But surprisingly, they were very nice and receptive to me. The girls were nice too, especially the oldest daughter of the family we stayed with. I did not see strife among the group of girls, which is rare when ever you have more than a few girls that are together. There was a certain someone that made me a little uncomfortable. They would say little comments about the food we were eating or the portions the restaurants gave and the comments seemed directed towards me... Actually I know they were... but that's fine. I did not feel the need to go into my life story of my battle with weight and how far I've come this far to someone that I don't really know or doesn't know what it's like to have issues with weight. And I am pretty sure I could out swim or out bike them... hey I am a little competitive after all! ;-)

After the Dole Plantation ( where we had the most amazing pineapple ice cream! just FYI) we went to eat lunch, and then to the beach where the set of LOST is. That is where Davey gave a bible challenge. It was beautiful. I loved the tender hearts of the singles. By that time the boys had been with a sitter for about 8 hours so we rushed home, then got ready and headed back to a sinlges BBQ. I was starting not to feel to well, so I barley ate. The guy whose house it was at is a single Chaplin in the military and I noticed in his spare bedroom he had two cycle bikes (ones you ride on the street). I asked him if he rides and he said yes and he said he is training a girl for a triathlon. I was like, "Wow!! I am doing my first on May 1!!" He seemed surprised. I asked him to give me some advice and he said, "You have to count your calories and watch your diet." I said, "I do". He said, "How many calories do you eat?" I said "1,600, but I am still nursing." and he seemed pretty concerned that I would not be prepared for the tri.. but that's ok. Looking at me, no one would think that right now I can do an intense Spin class then go do 2 miles on the treadmill. I know that is not that much for some people, but for MOST people it is a lot.

Another Navy guy is training to be in Search and Rescue. He told me all about how he is training and swimming everyday and how he is not that great a swimmer. He said he has to be able to swim a certain amount in a certain time to pass. I told him I swim and I am training for a mini tri and of course he was a little surprised. I told him I swim 1/4 mile and my best time was 10 minuets. He was impressed and then told me he has to swim 400 meters in 10 minuets to pass the test. I said, "400 meters is 1/4 mile!!" I was sooo excited that I could swim a 1/4 mile faster than a Navy seal. Whoa. :) By the regulations of the U.S Navy.. I could be Search and Rescue! Well probably not... there is a lot of things I would not pass, I am sure!

That night I was really nauseated. Shane threw up in the middle of the night, and Cody a little in the morning. I did not, thank God, but I did not eat much for a couple days. The rest of the trip was busy too with church and fellowship with people. I was homesick and anxious in my spirit about whether or not this is God's will for us. The people were great, and the church was great, and the place was great, but for some reason I did not have complete peace. I can not trust my feelings though, because I just could be homesick. Davey felt at home there while I did not as much. We are diligently praying about it and asking God to show us. I want His will above all else. "Not my will, but Thine be done."

The day we left we had a couple hours to go to the "Punchbowl" to see my great grandfather, Harold P. Little's grave. He was a Brigadier General and died in Oahu. It was amazing and so touching.

Wednesday morning when I got home I stepped on the scale, and I was shocked... literally my jaw dropped. -7 pounds!! What?! Is this right?!! I didn't even throw up!! I stepped on again, same thing. Wahooo!! I was just hoping to maintain!! I did swim there in the lagoon and walked a little, but the first few days I ate pretty bad, so I was expecting a gain, hoping to have maintained.

And oh yeah... the day after Cody turned 11 months old, on Saturday while we were in Hawaii... I started my period!! Ugh!! I have not had it in about 3 years from being pregnant and nursing to pregnant and nursing. I thought I would be up on the scale from that too but I wasn't.

We have been busy since we got home. We have been praying and getting counsel on whether this is God's will for us. It is exciting and scary. Who doesn't want to live in Hawaii!? But if it is not where God wants then I don't want to go. For me as the women, I know I will struggle with "Island Fever". I was homesick and we were only there 6 days, and Davey will hardly be home between work and the ministry..... but not my will, God's will. We will be so happy right in the center of His will and I know it. I have not made it back to the gym yet, but I am anxious!! The tri is coming up real quick in about 2 weeks and I have major training to do!! Wish me luck!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Bon voyage!!

I still have a crazy amount of things to do before we leave for the airport tomorrow at 5:45 am. I am so excited to go to Hawaii. I have never been, and people only say such amazing things!! Please pray for Davey this week. He is preaching 5 times in the 6 days we are there. He is really nervous.

My father-in-law got to our house on Friday night. I had not seen him in about 8 weeks. Saturday morning he asked if I had been going to the gym a lot, and I said yes. He said, "Yeah you can really tell. You look a lot thinner! Your stomach is not so......" as he extended his hands out as illustrating a huge tummy. He drifted off in words, and I think he realized those weren't the right words to say to a sensitive woman... I finished his sentence, "So big?" and he said, "Yeah!". I said, "Well thanks!" I guess!? Nice to know he and probably everyone else noticed my huge flabby gut before I started losing weight. But I am glad people are commenting and encouraging me! :)

The weekend was insanely busy. No time to work out at all. Saturday we had rehearsal for the musical all day long. We were at church from 12pm-9pm. It went really well though and many people were saved! PTL! I was glad the dinner they fed us was soup and salad. Sunday we had a BBQ with my husbands family. Great food, and I ate mostly steak and bread. We barley had time to hide the eggs, before we had to go back to church. Sad to say we hid them and never went to find them. ;( I am sure the doggies enjoyed them though!! Shane is still real little he doesn't know anyways.

I have not been counting my calories, or working out for a few days. Good news... I have been so busy I don't have that much time to eat. Weighing myself and I am maintaining. I am OK with that for now. I wanted to make it to Spin this morning, but I had to run to Target, post office, and to return a book.

My Chantel Hobbs books came on Saturday. So far they are OK. I like to read books that are like weight loss journals instead of a "Do This" books. I already know what to do. I want to hear about all the things you went through as you lost 200 pounds!

Triathlon in less than a month.. three weeks actually!! Yikes!! When we get home next week there is going to be intense training. My Spin teacher on Tuesday said I am improving and I look good. That was real motivating!! On Thursday i did Spin then 2 miles on the treadmill, this time in 27:40. Running is becoming easier.

Davey has not worked in 2 1/2 weeks now. Praying and trusting God to supply our needs.
Shane is doing so well with potty training! I am so proud of him.

Well I better go pack, finish laundry, clean the house, organize our outfits for the plane, cut the boys hair, give them baths, iron,
put the boys down for a nap, proof read Davey's message for tomorrow night, pack our carry on's, get ready for church tonight, make dinner (Steak Salad tonight!), walk the dogs since they will be cooped up for six days, and get all the keys and dog food ready for Karissa to take care of things while we are gone. I will do my best to eat healthy there! Lot's of fish I hope!! I will try to run too. Pray for us and a safe flight!!

Thursday, April 1, 2010


One of my good friends told me right before I started this journey of weight-loss, that losing weight would be hard for me because I am easy going. I asked her what she meant and she nicely said, I am a really easy going, go with the flow type of person. I am not an organized, disciplined, uptight individual. At first I was a little offended, and I wanted to prove her and everyone else wrong. She could tell that was not what I wanted to hear, and she went on to say I could lose the weight and with God's help I will. She was right though. She only had about 15 pounds to lose and we started at the same time. She quickly met her goal and I was still only at -8 pounds. I felt disappointed to tell her when she would ask me how much I have lost. Still to this day I feel like I definitely should have lost a lot more by now. I mean I started in July!!

Sara, my husbands cousin is very driven and motivated and is also trying to lose 100 pounds. She is doing so awesome. She started in October and has lost 52 pounds! Almost 20 more than me, and she started 3 months after me.

I noticed on Monday, a lady that started going to the gym about 6-8 weeks ago has really lost a good amount of weight. We do most of the same classes together, and you can really tell how she is trimming down. I thought about that during the class, and I realized I have gained and lost the same 5 pounds for that whole 6-8 weeks and have not made any progress on the scale. I got so discouraged. BUT thank God I have made A LOT of progress on my fitness levels. That keeps me going.

Tiffany, my roommate my first year at West Coast Baptist College, has lost 60 plus pounds since then. That was in 2005. She is a lot like me and I love her for it. We really relate when it comes to food. We often post about a food tempting us, and our battle to eat right. On January 1, 2010, for her new year resolution she started a running schedule. She really wanted to become a runner. Since then (in 3 months) she has already ran two 5k's and plans to do one a month this whole year. She inspires me so much!! I am more like her in my weight loss. I am not sure how long it took her to lose the 60 pounds, but she did it, and she plans to lose more before her wedding in October.

I am ME though. I keep comparing to everyone else I know losing weight, or anyone that has, and I feel so behind or inadequate.

It may take me a while to lose the weight because I am easy going and go with the flow.. I really hope I am at my goal weight by my goal date, but if not I am going to keep going. As soon as I feel any sudden emotion, I eat. If I am going out to dinner I want to go all out, if we are at friends or they are at our home I am not cautious. I am working on those things, but I am not perfect, and I am naturally unorganized and not very disciplined. I have to learn how to do those things.

In one of my books "Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl" it took her a few years to lose all the weight. She lost 175 pounds. She went through phases where she stopped all together then started back up.
A lady named Chantel Hobbs, who I heard on the Christian radio a couple weeks ago, lost 200 pounds. I really liked her because she talked about only being able to do it with God's help. I ordered both her books yesterday.

Yesterday I was very discouraged, even though I had done well. I felt tired of trying so hard. I get that way if I don't pray in the morning. So when I laid down with Cody, I prayed and asked God to help me. I realized yet again, I truly can't do this without Him.
Then I asked myself, what are my motives for losing weight? Are they to get praise from others? That is not honoring to God. Is it so the opposite sex will be attracted to me? That definitely is not honoring to God. It is honoring to God if I want to look better for my husband, if I want to be healthy, to be a good testimony to young adults and youth, and to keep my body as a temple for the Holy Ghost. I do believe it is God's will to be healthy.

I have a confession.... I have been weighing myself everyday! I know I know!! Horrible. It messes with my mind so much. So, yesterday I was down a pound from last weigh in. Disappointing because of all my hard work I really wanted more. I am not going to weigh until Wednesday, the day we leave for Hawaii. Then after that only weigh on weigh in days!! I mean it. I just read in one of my books, "Tales from the Scale", that weighing your self more than once a week can really slow down your weight loss. I know for me, if I weigh during the week and it is not what I hoped for, I will give in that day and blow it. So no more OCD weighing.

Psalms 145:18 " The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth."