I thank God for the physical and emotional healing He is giving me. I feel much stronger with more energy now. I am not quite ready to go run a marathon, but I plan to start slow again with walking or doing my 20 minuets Turbo Jam and my elastic band for strength training.
Saturday I went and joined Weight Watchers. I started today. I am really excited about it. It has given me something to focus on and a goal to work towards. It was $13 to join. I am going to be paying weekly, but I can go every other week if I want to, to save money. But I look forward to reaching little goals and getting gold stickers next to them in my journal. Every 5 pounds you get a star. How exciting is that?! My first goal is to reach %5 of my body weight (-10 lbs) then to reach %10 of my body weight (-20 lbs). I am really doing it. I am determined to do it and to not cheat or lose focus. How long have I EVER gone with out cheating??? I think only 7-8 days!!! I always justified it by "rewarding" myself for a day. That would be fine, but a day turned into a weekend, then by Monday morning I just want to get back to where I was before the weekend.
I am not sure why, but my "palate" has changed since I got pregnant with #3. I still have not been very hungry, but these last two weeks I have been forcing myself to eat a lot! Who does that? Well a very depressed fat lady does that.
I am a bit obsessed with reading books on people who have conquered their weight. I envy the feeling of their loses every week when they weigh in. It's my turn now. In the most memorable books I have read are, "Confessions of a Carb Queen" (she started around 500 pounds, losing around 320 pounds), "Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl (my favorite because she travels and lives in foreign places! She started at 350 pounds and lost about 185 pounds), "703" (Nancy tipped the scales at 703 pounds and death was literally her near destiny. She lost over 500 pounds! I just read this one in 3 days!! Very very interesting book. Her mother sent her whole family to a catholic monastery [which was/is a CULT] during the "hippie days" because she believed a crazy monk priest man that said the world was going to end due to all the devilish worldliness, drugs, sex, aids, rebellion and their monastery was the only safe place in the world. There Nancy was beat by nuns because her wrist showed while cleaning and called a "devil" everyday. Her family was separated and not allowed to see each other. The husband knew it was a very bad decision but was tired of fighting his wife. This was like a prison camp almost, and her mother brought all 7 of them there voluntarily!! It's truly an amazing story. I felt so burdened for her and her family that they didn't know the Truth, the true gospel. Why would someone want to serve God when the "godly" nuns beat you and little 5 year old boys for crying because he missed his mom???!! I honestly think that was not the Catholic religion, it was a branch of it that got way off track.) "Ruby's Diary", her highest weight was 716 pounds and now currently weighs around 300, and is still losing), "Never Say Diet" by Chantel Hobbs, (went from 35o pounds to 140 and a marathon runner. She is a Christian, and a homemaker), "Tales from the Scale" (a book where many women all weigh in on their personal success stories and struggles).
Anyways, enough rambling. My points allowance is 33 points!! 2 because I am female, 20 because that is 10% of my body weight, 1 for my height, 5 because I am still nursing Cody (yes I am! Only 2 times a day though so I get 5 instead of 10 points for nursing), 4 because of my age, and 1 because I am a homemaker (not much walking around, but definitely not sitting all day).
For breakfast today I had a yummy egg (2 whites, 1 whole), low fat cheese, mushroom and tomato scramble, with a cup of grapes, one piece of turkey bacon, and an iced cup of coffee with sugar free creamer. It was very filling and only 7 points. I look forward to losing again. I am excited for my first meeting and weigh in!
Starting weight: 7/19/10 WW scale: 209.8 My scale: 208.2 I will probably go by my scale because I always weigh myself the same time, and way. I will only weigh once a week!
You may delay, but time will not. -Benjamin Franklin
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt