Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mom Running...& guilt trailing behind.

This is not a complaining post. It's just a new chapter in my life dealing with issues I have not dealt with yet. I am writing about them to work them out. =)

Yesterday I went to the YMCA for a tour and to apply for financial aid for a family pass. Praying we will get approved!! It's a great solution to my "How to run with 3 kids" issue since YMCA has free child care, an indoor track and outdoor track. Plus 2 pools.

Anyways on to my topic. I have been thinking a lot about running again. I miss it so much, and I am ready. For a while I just kept thinking, "I'll just wait until after the baby is born." but that's still 4 months away! I could do a lot in 4 months.

I have also been browsing the web about 2012 races I would like to do. One of the main ones I want to do is the Country Music Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon on 4/28/12 in Nashville. I have found a few 5Ks around here as well. No luck with any spirnt or Olympic triathlons yet. (well I did find one OLY but its on a Sunday...no bueno.)

Things are different now. My husband is so busy with his new job in the ministry. It consumes him so much and he loves it. I am so glad he is happy and he loves his job, and our ministry. I am very happy what he is doing is for our Lord!
It's an adjustment for all of us though. I can't just depend on him to watch the boys for gym time, races, and even doctors appointments. He is gone from 6:30am to 10:30pm 4 days a week, sometimes 5 and that doesn't include visiting churches, ect. I am not complaining. This is what the Lord has for us right now, and I just need His help coping with it. I really want to know how military spouses and single moms do it?

I don't want to give up running, the gym, triathlons, and races. But I can't help but feel like I am being selfish for wanting to do those. Especially since my husband can't and won't always be there anymore. It wouldn't be so bad if we were near family! I could have them come to the races or watch the boys during. I have found it hard here to find anyone I can just drop the kids off with. And rightfully so. There is nothing like having Grandma watch the kids, everyone loves it.

I just wrote this on Twitter and really wondered this. "Is it worth racing if there is no one at the finish line waiting for you?"
I got several responses, mostly everyone saying "Yes of course!" or that they always have to go to races solo. Wow. Humbling! Davey being there was always one of my main motivations. I really couldn't imagine doing it with out him there. But WHO AM I RUNNING FOR??
Davey? My kids? or Myself? well all of the above. Davey to be the best in physical shape for him and so he can be proud of me. My kids because I want them to see their mom achieve amazing things so they will achieve amazing things. But really.....MYSELF!!! I run to be healthy, mentally and physically. To stay sane. So, in the long run, I am a better wife and mother and Christian.

I don't believe it is wrong to desire to run and do races. I think God can be glorified by it. I know running, triathlons, gym time, working out, none of that is sinful.

Then why is it sometimes I feel guilty because I have dreams and goals? Is it because I am neglecting my family at that time? Because running and gym time is time away from the kids, house, duties, chores, ect.? I have not dealt with this guilt before, even when I trained for my half marathon. Because Davey was there. Him and the boys had Daddy and Boy time while Mommy was out. But now I have to put them in the gym daycare to run, and when the baby is 8 weeks old, I have the option to let some stranger watch him while I train for 2 hours. Is that wrong? How does a MOM have goals and dreams and achieve them with out neglecting her family in anyway? I think it is very important for Mom's to have a healthy hobby. It betters the whole family. Just how to do it.....? After all my family and God do come first. But that's just the thing. I really don't think it's, "God and Family" OR "running". You can do all of it.

My main concern, is balance. How do I balance my children, house work, husband, ministry, and running with out something getting left out....

I have a lot to pray about. Any advice on this subject is very much appreciated!!

Love, The Curvy Housewife


ANewMe18 said...

It isn't easy being a military spouse, but somehow we manage. You and I know the real reason, the Lord gives us our strength. We have to remember what our main focus is, but we also need a little "me" time to get away and be refreshed. Maybe set a goal for the day or week and then set up a reward for yourself. Just pray about it. Hope this helps some. HUGS :)

Jennifer said...

one of my good friends runs and is a mom. She goes through the phases of "mommy guilt," too, but overall, she knows that to be a better mom and wife, she needs to take care of herself and be healthy. So if running is how you take care of yourself and stay healthy (even if it means time away from the kids sometimes), it's for the best in the long run. As important as it is for you to be there for your family, you also need to be there for you and take care of you! :)

Sweet Nest said...

I know how you feel! But just imagine this for a moment: Someday your kids are going to be grown up, moving out of the house, and will have their own lives to start as an adult.. They need to see a good example of how to take care of themselves. Does that mean being a mommy for the next 18 years mean that you put on hold taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?? That you can't take up a hobby or interest? If your kiddos were older and you would ask them if they minded you doing races and keeping yourself fit for yourself, your husband, and them, they would say, "No way!" Some of the children I babysit will talk about their parents and what they do and they are SO PROUD. So, you get out there and do your thing- so you can be happy, there for your family in the long run and be able to take care of them in good health.. I've seen moms that are in terrible health because they worry too much about their kids, and some who are always gone and their kids CRAVE their attention. You are right- BALANCE is EVERYTHING! I fall in that category too of wanting to do everything for my son. But he needs me to be at my best too. You are doing a great job. Keep it up! Make a plan in pencil. ;)

Adrienne said...

Thank you all sooooo much! your comments really mean a lot to me and I feel much better!!! Thank you again. :) and you are all right!!