This is not a complaining post. It's just a new chapter in my life dealing with issues I have not dealt with yet. I am writing about them to work them out. =)
Yesterday I went to the YMCA for a tour and to apply for financial aid for a family pass. Praying we will get approved!! It's a great solution to my "How to run with 3 kids" issue since YMCA has free child care, an indoor track and outdoor track. Plus 2 pools.
Anyways on to my topic. I have been thinking a lot about running again. I miss it so much, and I am ready. For a while I just kept thinking, "I'll just wait until after the baby is born." but that's still 4 months away! I could do a lot in 4 months.
I have also been browsing the web about 2012 races I would like to do. One of the main ones I want to do is the Country Music Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon on 4/28/12 in Nashville. I have found a few 5Ks around here as well. No luck with any spirnt or Olympic triathlons yet. (well I did find one OLY but its on a Sunday...no bueno.)
Things are different now. My husband is so busy with his new job in the ministry. It consumes him so much and he loves it. I am so glad he is happy and he loves his job, and our ministry. I am very happy what he is doing is for our Lord!
It's an adjustment for all of us though. I can't just depend on him to watch the boys for gym time, races, and even doctors appointments. He is gone from 6:30am to 10:30pm 4 days a week, sometimes 5 and that doesn't include visiting churches, ect. I am not complaining. This is what the Lord has for us right now, and I just need His help coping with it. I really want to know how military spouses and single moms do it?
I don't want to give up running, the gym, triathlons, and races. But I can't help but feel like I am being selfish for wanting to do those. Especially since my husband can't and won't always be there anymore. It wouldn't be so bad if we were near family! I could have them come to the races or watch the boys during. I have found it hard here to find anyone I can just drop the kids off with. And rightfully so. There is nothing like having Grandma watch the kids, everyone loves it.
I just wrote this on Twitter and really wondered this. "Is it worth racing if there is no one at the finish line waiting for you?"
I got several responses, mostly everyone saying "Yes of course!" or that they always have to go to races solo. Wow. Humbling! Davey being there was always one of my main motivations. I really couldn't imagine doing it with out him there. But WHO AM I RUNNING FOR??
Davey? My kids? or Myself? well all of the above. Davey to be the best in physical shape for him and so he can be proud of me. My kids because I want them to see their mom achieve amazing things so they will achieve amazing things. But really.....MYSELF!!! I run to be healthy, mentally and physically. To stay sane. So, in the long run, I am a better wife and mother and Christian.
I don't believe it is wrong to desire to run and do races. I think God can be glorified by it. I know running, triathlons, gym time, working out, none of that is sinful.
Then why is it sometimes I feel guilty because I have dreams and goals? Is it because I am neglecting my family at that time? Because running and gym time is time away from the kids, house, duties, chores, ect.? I have not dealt with this guilt before, even when I trained for my half marathon. Because Davey was there. Him and the boys had Daddy and Boy time while Mommy was out. But now I have to put them in the gym daycare to run, and when the baby is 8 weeks old, I have the option to let some stranger watch him while I train for 2 hours. Is that wrong? How does a MOM have goals and dreams and achieve them with out neglecting her family in anyway? I think it is very important for Mom's to have a healthy hobby. It betters the whole family. Just how to do it.....? After all my family and God do come first. But that's just the thing. I really don't think it's, "God and Family" OR "running". You can do all of it.
My main concern, is balance. How do I balance my children, house work, husband, ministry, and running with out something getting left out....
I have a lot to pray about. Any advice on this subject is very much appreciated!!
Love, The Curvy Housewife