Finishing what I start.

I get the vacuum out, realize I have to pick up all the toys and laundry off the floor before I can begin.  I drop some dirty socks off in the boys room where I discover all their costumes strewn about the floor. Sigh. "Boys! Get in here and clean up your room!" I start helping them, take a sippy cup from their room to the sink. Full sink of dishes, I better do them. Start the dishes, Reece asks for a snack and some milk in his baby language that only I understand.  I look at the clock, it's 1:30pm already? Sheesh I need to make lunch! Start lunch.  Feed the boys. Better make myself something too, I'm starving.  Pretty soon a couple hours have gone by and I haven't vacuumed, boys didn't finish their room, dishes aren't done, and I'm tired!

I HATE this about myself.  I have issues finishing what I start.  Those few things are small, but big things as well I struggle with.  Losing all the weight.  Keeping goals.  Doing what I say I'm going to do. Even sticking to my dinner menus.  Blah.

I know I CAN stick to something if I am really motivated.  Like my half marathons, and triathlons. I didn't give up on those.  I finished.   But those I knew I could at least finish.  It wasn't like I was going to be rejected from trying.  It was in my control. 

I tend to give up on dreams and goals when I think I really can't achieve them. Why bother right?  I always tell my husband to encourage him, "It's better to try and fail then not try at all."  I should take my own advice!

On and off for a few years I've been working on a fiction book.  I will go MONTHS without even opening the file. Luckily I don't delete it because I always get inspired and get back to it.  I've written, erased, re-written, read and thought, "what am I doing? This is so stupid. No one will read this!" I've changed the story 3 times already.  

I do NOT have a degree in English, nor am I good at it.  This holds me back a lot.  The only good things I have going for me are a big imagination and that I LOVE love to read and read a lot. 

I also had the idea about a year ago to write an eBook on healthy living on a budget.  I even had The Wellness Mama commit to writing a couple chapters.  I still plan to do this, but then that fear enters in again that, "WHY would anyone read this?" so I temporarily quit.

It's not just a book, it's anything I want to do. Losing weight, eating clean, projects in the house, taking a course, reading an educational book I promised I would, ect.  I'll find excuses to not finish.  My husband is the opposite.  He will work all night until what he said he was going to do is done.  I wish I was more like that.

I dream BIG! I can't tell you how many ideas I have for random things! This is why my husband calls me a manic.  My photography business, an iPhone app idea, an idea for a book, a coffee shop with an indoor play place for kids, a hotel, a restaurant, a modest AFFORDABLE clothing line.....ect!!! LOL Before I did photography my husband helped me start a wedding planning business that went NO WHERE. Except made me realize I actually was passionate about photography. 

I can't imagine how my husband feels sometimes. "Babe, I have a brilliant idea!"  Eye roll from him...."No really listen!" Me jabber for 10 minuets about whatever, totally convinced that I can do it and demand him to support me.  Oh man poor hubby, when all along he thinks..."Ok..sure." Not his fault.  I never finish things.  He is super proud of me for my photo business and my fitness and weight loss accomplishments. And I believe that's why he knows, if I really** want something, I will do it/get it. Thus he never rejects an idea cold turkey. 

Right now since I can not reach my goal weight due to being with child ;) I want to commit to FINISH the book I've been working on.  I almost deleted that got scared even writing that sentence.

Finishing has been such an issue for me my whole life. Did you know I took Karate as a girl? Not really my thing I wanted to do Ballet, which eventually I did.  Anyways, I made it all the way to my red black belt. I was in black belt training.  I begged my parents to let me quit because I was scared I wouldn't be able to run the three miles.  Finally they gave in.  I regretted that my whole life. Seriously.  I have such lofty dreams and ideas. I get zealous, then suddenly quit. 

I think if I can finish this book, even though it will most likely get rejected a billion times and never get published, I will be able to finish this weight loss journey.  And anything else I dream off.  I mean there's no limits right?? Who's to say, "You are a weight loss blogger. A mother to 3 boys and pregnant. You are a housewife, and a photographer...NOT a writer....or a clothing designer...or whatever."  I say that!!! LOL it's me! I gotta show myself I CAN finish.  I know I can because I finished all those races.  Some of the best days of my life :)

And what better time to finish a book than trying to rest during pregnancy due to placenta previa! I've been sitting most of the day because I keep getting braxton hicks contractions :( not good with placenta previa.  Did get some cleaning done, but I need to clean the bathrooms.  

Is there something you want to do but don't because you doubt you can? Am I the only maniac here?

A quote from Author J.K Rowling, who was a poor single mother that became a multi millionaire from the Harry Potter books, which were rejected 12 times before being published....oh and it took her 7 years to write.

"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
 – J. K. Rowling, "The fringe benefits of failure", 2008