Thinking.

*wrote this post yesterday and it didn't get publish for some reason...

You know the thing about blogging is everyone see's your ups and downs? And if a blog doesn't have ups and downs then they just aren't writing about it. 

Sometimes I want to give up everything. Other times I'm unstoppable. Humans. 

Right now I'm in a sort of rut where I'm not sure where I lie between charging and quitting.  

 I feel like I waste time trying to do things that go nowhere. Probably because I don't pray and see what He wants me to do. 

I'm praying about some serious decisions right now with our future.  Praying for God's will. I won't jump into anything. 

My husband has been telling me for a year I should go to nursing school. 

"Yeah right with 4 boys." I'd say. "Yeah right I can't handle blood!" "No way could I take care of other people I have 4 little ones and you!" 

But one day, My husband and I were talking about my goals and he said, "why don't you do something that helps others?" Not in a judgmental way. But he says I'm a caring person and I would do great working as a nurse. 

I've mentioned before that I wanted to be a lactation consultant. I really want to help moms breastfeed. Well I recently found out its very hard to get hired as one with out your RN. Hmmph. 

Of course I have concerns...being a full time student and a mom. Being there for my family is my most important job. Also there are things that I'm sure I wouldn't like working with in a hospital, blood, death, sickness, ect.  I was talking to my husband about it and we were discussing my friends expirience in nursing school who had to deal with an awful situation for a poor man. My husband said, "but he needed help, he needed compassion." 

I thought about Jesus and how he touched the sick, the lepers, and even the dead. He had compassion!! 

So I started to slightly ponder it. Then pray about it. Now I'm actually considering it. I'm not rushing into anything (or even saying I'm doing this) and it would Obviously not be for a LONG time seeing I'm about to have a baby.  I'm talking years. Of course. 

Many of my nurse friends love it because they work 3 nights a week and don't miss being home with the kids.  I'd die of exhaustion but... ;) 

Some people have already began to judge me considering this. That I should never even think to have a job with children. Sad when people judge. I want to help my family financially, be able to buy them healthy organic foods, keep them in private school, have them play sports, ect.  

Oh and if you have something rude to say why don't you go ahead and umfollow my blog? THANK you. (Got a very rude comment last week. Why do annonomous people read blogs and leave mean comments?) 

Anyways....

Also, I want to help moms breast feed. Sue me. 

If its God's will, then that's all that matters. If its not, I don't want to do it. It is possible to be a keeper of the home and earn an income. I mean, the Prov 31 wife did and she had maids too. Lol. 

I have lots of goals. I want to achieve them. But MOST important, IM A MOM!! A wife and a mom and that's my most important job! :-) 

I'm still making meals from scratch! Tonight we had an amazing dinner I just whipped up! Must have again. 

I sautéed chicken in olive oil, seasoned w Cajun seasoning. Added tomatoes (from our garden!), organic spinach, and heavy whipping cream. Served with pasta. Oh yum!! It tasted better than it looked. Ok I'm gonna read "Safe Haven" and keep my mind off things. 

Xo