What I am.

I've said before, I don't want my blog to come across as a "How to" anything blog. Because quite frankly I KNOW I am not qualified to tell anyone how to do anything.  Except maybe photography or something but that's a separate blog. (Please go follow my photog blog I have 0 followers! LOL)

But I of course want to share what works for me and my adventures in trying to become the Mom and Wife I want to be.  That's what this blog is all about.  But truth is I'm so far from where I want to be.

What I want to be:

A godly wife
A godly mom
144 pounds
Fit 
An amazing cook that serves only grass fed, organic, non processed foods
Organized
Clean
Crafty
Frugal
A good writer 
An amazing photographer
An amazing decorator
A successful blogger
A faithful witness for Christ

What I really am:
A frazzled wife and mom
206 pounds
Not fit. Can't even run for 20 seconds as of late...I know. I had to chase Reece the other day at church.
Love cooking from scratch, but half my attempts turn out like poop.  We can't afford all organic, grass fed foods, but I do what I can.  I get organic produce at Costco and farmers market for good deals usually.
Unorganized. Big time.
Cluttery.
Thinks one can craft, but can not. 
Spends more money than I should.
Doesn't know what an adverb is.  For real. Don't judge me, I went to public school.
The pictures in my head are much better than on my camera.
Wants to decorate but doesn't have money to.
Un-successful blogger.
Doesn't witness for Him enough. Not even close.

 Lately I just feel so overwhelmed with so many things.  One thing that really weighs on me is feeding our family.  Sounds stupid I know.  In the last 6 months or so our grocery needs have gone up dramatically!  I spend so much time trying to budget and plan our meals so we have enough. 

But did you know that a husband that works a very physical job, and three growing boys, plus one boy in the oven need a lot, A LOT of food?  Let me just give you a little glimpse :)

Shane LOVES egg and cheese Toaster Struddles.  I never buy them. (I know they are processed and not the best!)  But he has been asking me for them for about a week so for being a good boy at school all week I bought him two boxes.  He ate SIX egg and cheese toaster struddles yesterday and wanted more.  Not even phased.  Then, today, he ate his sandwich and lunch I packed him at school, came home, wanted more Toaster Struddles. I made him the last three, he ate those.  Then immediately he wanted peanut butter toast.  He ate THREE pieces of peanut butter toast loaded with peanut butter. 

That's just ONE boy. 

How bout the fact that I am suppose to be eating 80 g of protein a day while pregnant? I don't make this goal usually.  

Then let's talk about my husband that walks around 80 acres in the heat all day doing physical labor and works out hard core weight lifting on his lunch break. 

This morning I scrambled 7 eggs in coconut oil (for extra fat!) with ham and cheese, and made two big breakfast burritos.  One for his breakfast, one for his lunch.  Besides the breakfast burrito in his lunch I made him a PB&J sandwich (homemade jelly!), tortilla chips, from scratch sugar cookies I made last night, an apple, an orange, a granola bar (want to make these from scratch!) and a protein shake for after his workout. 

The other two boys ate eggs for breakfast, with toast and butter, they've had a gazillion cups of milk, juice and water, and still want more food.  Oh and in case you're wondering, the 21 month old decided he didn't want diapers anymore.  He won't keep them on.  Fun. So potty training is in effect. He peed on the floor 3 times this morning and once in the potty. 

ALL DAY LONG I MAKE FOOD. 

We go through more milk than anyone I've ever met.  I'd love to buy only organic raw, grass fed milk.  TRUST ME!!! It's my dream to give my family the BEST!!!!! Seriously though, we go through about 18 gallons of milk in a month.  Is that a lot?? And I don't even drink the recommended 4 cups a day like the Weston A Price foundation says a pregnant lady should!! 

All that to point out that......we need more money for food.  LOL.  I am seriously trying to get more photo jobs, and I'm even thinking about going back to school for a nursing degree (although I don't think I could leave my boys!!) because when these four boys hit puberty our food bill will be our biggest expense I think. 

I've decided to lay off the couponing a little bit and heres why....I was buying things I don't normally buy. And all the food you get is processed foods I don't usually buy.  I still want to use them for dog food, personal items, cleaning supplies, ect.  But they don't give coupons for milk and chicken.  SHOCKING right?  But I have been price matching and it's helping a lot!!!!

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with what I want to do, what I have to do, and what I'm NOT doing.  Ya know what I mean??

I know that God cares about all our needs and He does provide for us every single day.  I know I shouldn't worry and I should just give it all to Him!!!

This post wasn't for people to feel sorry for me...I'm so so blessed!! And so thankful for all we have!!!!

I know with HIS help I will master the arts of all the things I want to learn and be.  Or better yet what HE wants me to be.  I just have to remember that it will take time.  I want it all RIGHT NOW.  I don't want to wait.

But I must.


"And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls? And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you." Luke 12:22-31