Half MARATHON!!!!!

You guys I did something crazy. 

Yeah....on a whim, I decided I want to run another half marathon! 

I've been feeling healthy. My stomach has been so much better than the last time I was running (haven't had wheat/corn/soy/peanuts in almost 6 months!). I just want to run. And I need a boost in the pants. 

I signed up for the San Luis Obispo Half marathon, on April 26, 2015! I'm so excited because I actually have two friends running it with me! One of them being my Pastor's wife :) it will be both my friends first, but I am starting from ground 0 too so we are all on the same page. 

I will be altering my carb Intake to eat more carbs on running days. Training starts Jan 3!! I have it all written out in my calendar. 

Speaking of carbs....I got down to 182!! I haven't weighed in a while though. 

Life is so busy. I am DONE Christmas shopping! Whoo hoo! How about you?? I've been out everyday for like 2 weeks shopping/mailing gifts & cards ect. Needless to say our laundry is pile high and I'm broke now. Ha! 

My husband and I at the church staff Christmas party last night.

 

Collecting the pounds

***I'm going to let you in on a SECRET that has helped me to lose 61lbs.****

Ok it's not really a secret... ;-)  

Ok it's been way to long and I promise to blog more often. If anyone still reads it! Ha! Thanksgiving Day :) 

After thanksgiving I was up to 187 again. Ugh. I was teeter tottering between what to do and how to lose weight. IIFYM is great, and I think I WILL be doing it consistently soon. But it's VERY time consuming at first. I was not wanting to weigh and measure everything so precisely and plan ahead to hit my macros. I really do think it works and it's great especially for gaining muscle and losing fat...or "getting lean" WHILE being able to eat A LOT! 

So what I decided was I HAVE to do something. I didn't want to wait a whole month till my busy photography season was over. So I decided to go back to low carb. It's been great!!! It works! And it works fast. It just makes sense for me because I can't have bread and wheat and corn anyways so it's really not that hard for me and I don't have to weigh or plan or anything. 

I'm back down to 183 in just a few days. 

Which led me to write this post about "collecting the pounds". This is the "secret" (and it's not a secret nor is it new) on how I lost my weight and how I think about it....

 I can be good for a few days and lose a pound or two, but if I decided to just give in the third or fourth day (or however long it's takes to lose a couple pounds!) and not eat low carb (or on whatever plan you are on) in one day I'll undo what I did in two-three days, and maybe even then some. So FOR ME, the key to success is **momentum.** 

Collecting the pounds. So it's been a few days I've been eating back on low carb and I am down 4 lbs (a lot was water weight I'm sure). Instead of having a high carb day today because I feel like I deserve it and I want some ice cream (lol) I will wait until I lose another 3 lbs. Because if I'm down 7 lbs {from the start if this time!} and have a high carb day (which is important to me because knowing I can have chocolate or whatever on a certain day keeps me on track and not feeling like I'm on a "diet") then I won't gain 7 lbs back in one day. It's impossible. (Now the scale will be up a little after a high carb day but it's just bloating and water and will go away after a day or two, for me!). 

I "collect" a 7 lbs. Loss, then I have a cheat day. So then maybe the start of that week I will be at a 5-6lb loss, but then after being consistent all week and drinking all my water I will lose another 3-4lbs that week. (Sounds like a lot but remember I didn't REALLY gain 1-2 pounds of fat from one day, so the bloating and water weight goes away then I lose another 2 lbs BUT ONLY IF I'm really consistent!!) so at the end of that week I'm at a 9 lb loss! 

See the pounds collecting? But the trick FOR ME is not to have a cheat day (and by cheat day I don't mean an all out binge day! NO! I mean just have more than normal, some chips and Ice cream and some chocolate :) if I've only lost 2-4 lbs because then I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. 

Below: LEFT: April 2014 214 lbs RIGHT: Nov 2014 184 lbs 30 lbs difference! 

Before anyone says anything, this is basically what Weight Watchers is, with eating activity and weekly points after your weigh in. So no it's not new, but maybe it will help someone to think about it like this. It works for ME. 

This may not work for everyone but it REALLY helps me stay consistent. Summary: I have to----

1. Get momentum by seeing at least a 6-7 pound loss 

2. Allow a cheat day after that once a week 

3. It's not an all out binge day 

4. Right back on plan the next day 

:) 

I'll leave you with some family photos we had done! Hopefully next time I blog (next week!) I'll be in the 170's!!!! 

Update on IIFYM

It's been going ok...trying to figure out HOW to hit my fat, protein and carbs with out going over is tricky. It's a learning process. I lost another pound though! Whoo hoo! So 61 total, and I am confident next week I'll be down ever more. 

I've been doing body pump regularly. Ouch! I love it of course but I want up start lifting heavy in the weight room...but I'm too scared to go in there :/ 

Maybe eventually :) 

Tonight I am going w my sister in laws and mom in law on a girls get a way night! Eeek! 

Nervous for my hubby lol. 

I tried on some skinny jeans just for fun. They were a size 16, and fit :/ but I tried on some plaid pants and they were a 14 & fit! And that's a big deal cause baby's got back ykwim? ;-) 

Here are some recent photos :) if you follow me on IG you've probably seen these all haha. 

Will be back soon! 

IIFYM

Yesterday was William Noah's one year birthday!!!!! I CAN'T believe it.  We were/are sick so we didn't do much. :( I have been so sick with an awful cold for 8 days.  It's really been kicking my booty. Poor baby Will had a 103.7 fever the other night :(

I have been doing a lot of research on what I should do to get these last 40 pounds off.  Low carb isn't very appealing these days and I have very low energy doing it, and I really don't want to do Whole 30 again LOL.

I have been following Skinny Meg since she had her last baby (8 months ago) and she does IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros).  She has had amazing success!!! Seriously, go check out her post here about how this time around (she lost 100 lbs before her last baby!) weights and IIFYM has changed her body!  As soon as this cold is gone (hopefully by tomorrow morning at 5am) I am going back to the gym for weights, and I started IIFYM today.

I know a while ago I mentioned it before and how it was the opposite of Paleo... it's modo is :flexible dieting. You can eat whatever you want as long as it fits your macros. I kinda turned my nose up to it....  (LOL) A lot of people get so tired of clean eating that they eat crud all day and just count it.  But you can do that on WW too.  It's actually a little similar to WW expect you hit a target for your carbs, proteins and fats. I have learned one thing....you eat healthy food to be healthy. You can lose weight eating junk but it wouldn't be healthy. 

Sometimes you need a big KICK IN THE PANTS to get going again.  I went and bought a few new gym clothes to motivate me and I planned out this whole IIFYM thing.  It seems very time consuming. You have to weigh and measure all your foods and track everything.  I can't say I recommend it yet because today is day one.  But I get to eat 1900 cals a day! I will be posting more often again and I will keep you posted. :)

I got ready today to go walking but then my head felt like it was going to explode :( I am 184.3 today.  I have 40 pounds left I want to lose.  I will measure myself right now and give this IIFYM thing a go.  I am so so so excited to get back to Body Pump. 

Here are my Macro goals for a day.

If you want to learn more about IIFYM go to this website.

Say goodbye to the post baby belly! Yes I am still post baby ok! :)

And I would just like to say... I know I've done several different things to lose weight.  I get bored easily and as life changes so do our wants, needs, goals, ect.  It's my journey and I can try differnt things if I want to ;) Of course with caution and with a goal to be healthy and fit! 

Love, The Curvy Housewife

Life Lately.

Well I finally hit -60lbs!!!!! Whoo hoo! 

I really really need to plow through and keep going. I haven't been very focused on losingweight, I've been so busy with the boys, their homework, all their sports, housework, husband!, and trying to grow my photography bus. I assisted at two weddings the last two Saturdays! It was awesome :) I am learning so much. 

HOW can I lose weight with out it being my MAIN focus in life? It's hard. I just need to set it on auto piolet. I've been paying for my gym membership that I don't go to, and walking only once a week or so. But this week so far I havent eaten after 6pm and I think it's helping. 

I'm 184 and want to see 179!!!!! 

I am going to log all my food I to MFP, (I already eat pretty clean...not enough veggies but I would say it's pretty good). So I just need something to jump start me again. Here we go! :) how are you all?! 

I'm not fat.

It's been too long. I'm a horrible blogger. I always think to write sooner but then I don't get a chance! 

I have been maintaining my weight really well :) actually lost a pound. I'm now 185. 1 away from -60. I have been waking some with friends but not really watching my carbs :( I NEED an intervention lol!!! 

Actually I just need motivation again. Where did it go?? I know busyness took it!!!! Seriously though we are having family photos done in 5 weeks and I want to be 10-15 lbs lighter so I am going for it! 

Okay....I'm about to get a little deep here... Sorry. But negative self talk HAS TO GO. 

I totally still think if myself as 60 lbs heavier. 

I am so SO SO SO hard on myself. About everything. It actually physically wears on me...my horrible thoughts. I think "I'm such a failure!" "I'm a pathetic mother/wife.." "I'm such a joke, look at all I have to do..." "Everyone knows you're a joke of a photographer...look at your work. You started 5 years ago, you should be so amazing by now!" (So sad...and harsh. Real thoughts people...I KNOW they are bad..but I can't stop them.) 

And when it comes to my weight it's no different. I always think "why even put on make up?! I'm so fat anyways." 

I have been practicing my photography a lot. I got a new camera and love it!!!!! While out practicing my friend took this of me for my website. 

When I got home I was like, wow...I'm not that fat. I mean YES I have plenty of fat (hello hips and stomach)... But maybe i'm close to average?? Maybe not.. Idk. :)

So again, while at tj maxx yesterday I glanced in the mirror and was surprised at how "not fat" I looked. So I snapped a photo and I said to myself "I'm NOT fat." (In my head...and i repeated it!) 

Ok I know I have 40 lbs still that need to come off, but I still think everyone sees me as 60 lbs heavier. 

I use to be confident before I gained weight.  But when I was my heaviest I literally felt like a failure at EVERYTHING because of my weight. 

Shedding weight doesn't shed the insecurities. Imagine that in ladies bible studies on Tuesday it was about what..?? Yes! Being hard on yourself (and others). I need to give myself grace..and I need to remember that the ONLY ONE that matters what they think of me is GOD. He is the only one I need affirmation from. And HE LOVES ME. It's sad, but sometimes I don't believe that ....gasp! I know... Satan is good at lying to me. Well... HIS word tells me he loves me. A LOT. So I better stop treating myself like a worthless nothing. After all...He lives in me. 

REPEAT after me. I'm not fat. {yes I have some fat!} but IM NOT FAT. 

The End. 

7 day challenge

I have been 187 for a couple weeks now. I wouldn't call it a plateau, because I have not been trying very hard to lose. 

The good news is that I've been able to maintain! So, some ladies and I were chatting in our "Ladies Losing It" Facebook group and starting tomorrow we are gonna eat low carb, no cheating, for 7 days. It's just a restart...a kick in the pants! 

Want to join in?? It's 100 or less carbs a day, starting tomorrow. I'm aiming for 50. 

I had a dream the other night that I was skinny. My stomach was flat....but I still had some stretch marks and inperfections but I felt amazing. Then I woke up. Sigh. It was motivating enough to start kicking it into gear! 

Weigh In

186.7! 

I am now below my prepregnancy weight from when I had my first baby! 

Only a pound loss this week. But I'll take it. This week I am really gonna buckle down and stay under 50g of carbs all week. (Yes I had ice cream slip ups last week again!). It's the last week of summer so my old yo-yo diet self says "live it up! Eat all the ice cream now! Start when school is back in!" But NO. Because that's a week that would be wasted. 

Here is the process of a good selfie. My 6yo cut my head off so many times lol. So my sis in law took one if me after church :) 

{haha thanks Shane}

That's better! Selfies are still awkward for me...I feel so narcissistic. But they record my process and encourage me. 

Down 58 pounds, have 42 to go. 

Left was in 2009 at my heaviest when boy 2 was a baby. Right is today. I lost and gained with another 3 pregnancies in 

Between these photos (we have 4 boys, we lost a baby in between boy 2 and 3). Since boy 4 was born 9 months ago I've lost 34 pounds. I am determined to get to goal and stay there! With His help! 

Dress is from Old Navy (size Large!!!) my maxi skirts are way to big for me now. I'm trying not to buy much clothes so I can save for a shopping spree when I get to my goal. That's only something I use to dream about. Now I feel like it's an actual possibility.  

Everyday I have to decide what to eat. I could eat ice cre and potato chips all day...but I choose not too. 

It's more of a habit now. I wake up and drink my coffee with heavy cream and sugar free Carmel syrup. Then I eat some sausage. I try to eat no carbs for breakfast because you wake up in ketosis (fat burning state). Once you eat carbs you start to burn those for energy inStead of fat. my husband since he works a physical job should have carbs for breakfast.  

Then for lunch I will eat a grilled cheese sandwich with Udi's gluten free bread and take my vitamins, and have a a mandarin orange or grapes maybe. Sandwich is about 24 carbs. I'll snack on salami and cheese, almonds, and a smoothie with veggies and a little fruit. Dinner is usually very low carbs, meat and veggies, or a bunless burger or something. 

Ive been drinking a Trim Healthy mama good girl moonshine several days a week. (Big Mason jar full of ice, 3 tbsp apple cidar vinegar, 1 tsp ginger powder, 1 tsp stevia, club soda or water to the top). My mom in law and sis in law could NOT drink this. They gagged! I personally love it. 

Here's all my weigh ins since June 25 when I started eating very "clean". 

I did Whole 30 in there for a month. 

Ok, here's to a fantastic week! Xoxo 

Weigh in and Carb Sweet Spot

187.2 on weigh in day (Saturday). I lost another 1.5 pounds this week. I know that's good...but I want more! :) 

I now know what I can tolerate and Ice Cream has been my sweet treat. I've been indulging a little too much... 

Must nip that in the bud! I think I can get to goal in about 5 months if I just stay strong. 

Carbs are tricky. For me it helps to lower my carb intake. But I kept wondering how much?! Then I found this! 

Atkins says keto is less than 20grams but that's too hard for me. So I'm aiming for less than 50, but as long as I'm less than 100 g of carbs a day I'm happy. 

I'm anxious to see 179.... It's so close I can taste it!!! No more ice cream! Or maybe just very little... ;-) 

My friend bought me this book! I'm excited for the recipes! It goes well with my low carb eating. 

Hoping to report another loss next post. Stay tuned :) 

180's & low carb

Done with whole 30! Whoot whoot! Comparison photos. 

Left 199 on day 1 of whole 30.

Right 188 on day 30! 

As I stayed on FB, I wasn't even %100 perfect. I was for a few weeks than had a little dairy here and there. I know that's like TABOO in "Whole 30" world but ya know, I'm not perfect. So, yeah. 

I did my best. :) 

Yesterday I allowed myself some natural ice cream, with enjoy life allergy free chocolate chips. Yummmm. I also had a cup of chocolate milk :P 

Then I went to Starbucks and ordered a sugar free Carmel iced americano 

With heavy cream & she may have given me the wrong drink but it was sooo good I couldn't give it back! It was so sweet though, I could only drink half. 

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and bought all I needed for low carbing. Today I was really good and have had about 25-30 carbs. 

My friend BOUGHT me the Trim Healthy mama book and I'm so excited!! Ya know Staci tried to talk me into it lots of times but I always had an excuse. Then I talked her out of it, now here I am considering it. Sorry stace! :/

So my plan is to stay low carb/THM. It's almost the same right? 

I was trying on clothes at target last night & hating it. All my clothes are too big for me (I've lost 22 lbs in the last 6-7 weeks!) 

But I couldn't enjoy it...because I hate my stomach & hips! 

I admit, I am inspired by woman's bravery to post their before and after of their tummies. So brave! I'm not gonna do that..ever. Lol....this is embaressing enough. Gah! Hopefully there are only ladies reading :) 

I sooooo do not want to post that photo. But hey, I'm real. This is me. My stomach is the way it is because I birthed 4 boys in 5.5 years. I am posting it to document my progress. And, I should be proud of where I'm at. It's all thanks to God though. He is my strength & my help. 

Another note: on Instagram lots of people feel the need to explain why they post progress photos. But I'm always like, "you don't have to explain, we all follow you because it's motivating!" Ya know? So I hope no one gets tired of my progress photos. (Not that I post many, but maybe I will start lol) 

Left is March 14, the day before we moved. 216 lbs

Right is yesterday, August 11, 188 lbs. 

I know I still have a loooong way to go. Lord willing the next pic I'll be smaller and STRonger. 

To all the mamas and ladies out there, trust me when I say you can do it! We can do it. 

Weigh in

Hello! So, some bad news. I've only lost .4 pounds in two weeks! Ugh! 

Im 191.8 now. 

It's so ironic isn't it? Since last time I blogged I was all about how fast I was losing weight! Well I sure am humbled now :-) 

We had our eighth wedding anniversary last week, so we've been kind of busy. My husband took me to Pismo and I did really good at the restaurant, I got a bunless burger with no sauce on it, it had pineapples but it did have a little tiny bit of cheese :/

But I had no french fries! I've had a little bit of dairy I admit it....

But I am still finishing out the whole 30. Even though I am so over it!

I'm excited I only have three more days, because once I'm done I'm going to be starting Atkins. 

Anyone want go do it with me? 

:) 

I've been thinking about it a lot and for many reasons am going this direction. 

-Carbs/sugar is not my friends these days. Even fruit. 

-I can tolerate dairy 

-I can eat all I want 

-it will be good for my hormones 

-I'm allergic to wheat, corn, and soy so most of the good stuff is off limits anyways. 

I love/hate Whole 30

Weight is coming off. I love it. I'm so thankful. I weigh myself & see the number dropping and I could tear up because I normally will take a calendar & write "-2" at the end of every week to see where I could be at by X date. I always look back at the calendar depressed & angry at myself because I didn't lose anything. 

Not this time. :)  Yes it's hard. Holy moly it's hard. But here's the awesome part: LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE NOW, SO LATER I CAN LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE. 

Okay I stole that from Dave Ramsey but still it's my new motto, & it's getting me through. Because LISTEN! Weight is coming off so quickly, AND more importantly I'm detoxing my poor body & healing it. So if I can buckle down & LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE right now, later in life I will 1: be at my dream weight & 2: be able to enjoy yummy foods OCCASIONALY & not have health issues.

Thus LIVING LIKE NO ONE ELSE. 

Im on day 17!! I have been getting really really bored with food (the hate part) and I don't even look forward to eating right now. I'm about to go grocery shopping so I'm gonna spice it up a bit.  I can't tell you how many cupcakes and cakes, and tarts, and chips and dips I've passed up these last 2.5 weeks! It's like I'm being tested.... But alas I did it because I want to live a healthy vibrant life at my goal weight. 

Being out of town last weekend was difficult but I didn't detour. (Ok I had a tiny bit of heavy cream in coffe but that's it!) 

Oh.....I didn't do Wharf to Wharf. My very first did not start. I know! I just really didn't want to get up at 5:30am, get all the kids in the car, wait in traffic, wait for Porta potty, wait to start walking, make my family wait 2 hours, then drive home.  So I decided to stay and visit family. I'm glad I did. 

One month NO sugar!

Well I am a horrible Blogger! It's been a long time! Sorry. 

Well it marks one month today that I've been sugar free!  (processed sugar) 

I feel good and I've lost....DRUMROLL....16.2 pounds in the last month!! I just can't believe it!! 

Today I weighed 193.8! I've also stayed strong on whole 30, today is day 13. I'm ready for it to be over :-) 

I'm very annoyed, because on Monday I called my doctors office to see if my lab work was in, and the receptionist said I said it is and it all looked normal! I requested to have the dr call me but he never did. But then yesterday an RN called me and told me that in fact I have several food allergies! Omwhat! 

According to my blood test I'm allergic to: 

WHEAT! 

peanuts 

corn 

soybeans 

walnuts

shrimp 

and string beans! 

Say what!!!!!!!! 

I'm so sad about this....I pray that in time I can reintroduce some if these. The test said I was not gluten sensitive but I hadn't eaten gluten in almost 3 weeks already when they did the test. 

I'm a little depressed. You know, mourning the loss of wheat especially. I mean....it's in everything delicious. But hey I am not allergic to dairy or eggs so Whoo hoo! 

Ice cream! Jk 

:) 

Ok off to WHARF TO WHARF 10k tomorrow!!!!! Yes! It's Sunday morning but we are heading up early. Stay tuned. I hope it's a nice and fun experience. 

Xo

Whole 30 Day 5 & Meal Plan

Well Ello!
I am on day 5 of Whole 30 and boy, did I feel crummy this morning! I was so naseous, I could barely eat anything.  At first I was thinking, "Oh no, it's another symptom" but NOPE.  I googled and I suppose it's common, as I saw many other people dealt with this too.  I suppose it could be my body detoxing, or a bacteria die off, or the "carb flu".  I ate sausage and half a banana and feel a little better now.  I really look forward to "the magic" happening :)

I have been very tired and have a major lack of energy.  But my Young Living En-Er-Gee oil helps with that. 

Anyways, here is the first week of meas I had planned out for this Whole 30.

Sunday- Curry Beef with Carrots
Ground beef cooked with carrots, curry and 1/4 coconut milk. 

Got this recipe from the book and I honestly didn't like it much.  Besides, on Monday morning I got horrible abdominal pain, and finally figured it was from the curry (duh, I shouldn't be eating spices!).

Monday- Bacon wrapped chicken breast and baked zucchini sprinkled with ghee and sea salt. YUM

Tuesday- Spaghetti squash and  ground beef with cooked spinach.  I served speghetti sauce to my family, but not to myself (I had ghee with mine) because I am also eliminating nightshades and spices. So this was pretty boring...

Last night I planned on making Butternut Squash Soup,  but didn't have time so I whipped up some chicken drumsticks and veggies.

Thursday- Chicken Tenders and Zucchini Fries

Friday- Butternut squash hash (in my book)

Saturday- Shrimp, Pineapple and Chicken grilled shish kebobs

Sunday- Crockpot Meatloaf

Weigh in & Whole 30..again..

Yesterday's weigh in: 

200.8 soooo close! Next week! That's a 2lb loss this week. Yay! 

I am getting use to not eating sugar, gluten, most carbs, most dairy, and ya know, yummy foods. But I still get a little bitter about it. This was a verse of the day... 

"Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 KJV)

Thank you Jesus for this trial. (Boy that's hard to say). I know it's benefitting my health. 

I start whole 30 again tomorrow. I only made it seven days last time. 

I'm half way there already (no sugar or gluten 17 days!) 

But I need to take it a little further since I still have some issues. I have a dr apt Monday and I'm scared, nervous and worried. Need to give it to Him. 

Here's my food for the next couple weeks. Breakfast will be the hardest because I'm cutting out eggs too (not whole 30) just wondering if they are problematic for me. 

Have a great weekend! 

Oh and body pump was awesome. Doubled my squat weight! 

And I walked w a friend Thursday night :) 

Almost Onderland.....

I know I shouldn't weigh every day but I have been. The thing about scales is they are tricky..it takes a couple days to catch up to the scale. Today I was 201.9! Whooooo. Official weigh in Friday but I had to share the news :) 

Here's what I'm "doing": 

Walking 

Swimming 

Logging all my foods making sure I'm eating 1800 or so 

No sugar or processed foods 

And I've been pretty low carb. 

I'm toying with carb cycling so we will see how that goes. A lot of carna do t agree with my stomach right now. 

I am really bad at selfies. Don't laugh. I took this last night because I was feeling skinny. Please excuse the pool hair and no makeup bathroom look. 

Going back to body pump today! Yay! 

Xo 

Something sweet

Everyday it's a choice. I have a choice to eat what I want ( sugar and junk) or I can choose NOT to. I have been feeling like "well my weight loss doesn't count because I can't have sugar.." But no, it does count because I can have sugar. I would just feel awful after probably. 

1 am 10 days no sugar now or gluten. 

I feel really good. I haven't had pain in 3 days. I thank God for second chances and since Wednesday I kept thinking "what if it's too late? What if I destroyed my body with sugar and junk already? What if I have cancer?" 

It's hard. I want something sweet. But what I am trying, for once, is to be honest with myself---

Me facing the facts: 

I got a letter from kaiser saying I was "Pre-Pre Diebetic". (Didn't know that was a thing) 

Sugar was causing inflammation in my gut {I'm no doctor but I know my body! When I would eat too much i would get intense pain, & it finally said ENOUGH}. 

Sugar would send me into blood sugar crashes that made me feel faint 

Cancer feeds off sugar 

Sugar feeds bacterial overgrowth, which damages your intestines and can cause leaky gut, which can lead to Auto Immune diseases, cancer, and all kinds of other problems 

I am NOT against anyone else having sugar. Especially as means to lose weight...because it's hard and deprevation kicks in. A gradual wean off would be better but I didnt have time for that. 

Yesterday was tough, I wanted to eat bread and cookies and yummy banana pudding (I had a few bites!!). But my friend was sooo sweet and made me a special lemon chicken that was so yummy, and I had delicious corn on the cob lathered with butter. And I ate until I was pleasantly full. I felt great. 

I plan to reintroduce dairy in a couple days.  I struggle to stay around 1,500 calories with out having way to much fat! My goal is 1,800 calories since I'm breastfeeding. 

I haven't lost any weight in a couple of days but I'm glad, since I lost 8 so quickly! 

I haven't been able to walk since it's been so busy but I plan to tonight. And back to body pump this week!! 

Here's some pics from yesterday. I got an email from shoebox pic storage from our 4th of July when Shane was a baby! I was shocked to see how fat my face was! Here's me yesterday next to it 

And more from yesterday :) 

I weighed myself.

I weighed myself.
A few times actually. 

My last post I wrote about how sick I got Wednesday night and ended up in the ER.  I weighed Thursday morning and I was 210.  Then again on Friday and I was 208, and today I was 202.8!!!! Let me explain why.

The whole month of no dieting I only lost 1 pound.  I am and forever will be against dieting from now on because of what it does to one's mind, and it's a vicious cycle. 

Irony.  Because right now I have to be on the strictest diet EVER to get better.  It seems as though IBS has flared it's ugly face.  But maybe it is some kind of bug or virus as well that irritated my IBS.
I went to the ER twice in the last 6 days.  I've had horrible pain everyday.  Today was much better.  Minimal pain for a short time. 

The pain is in the very lower abdomen and like I said before it's worse than labor.  So that's why it's alarming.  Our insurance also hasn't been accepted yet, so I was really stressed about that.  Yesterday after more pain my husband and I went to the insurance office and GOT IT SETTLED.  After that we went to the ER again and thank God saw a different dr.  He ordered a CT scan (scary) and more blood work.  Everything looked good except there are tiny little swollen lymph nodes on my intestines that means my body is trying to fight an infection/virus or inflammation.  Hm.  I do believe my gut is inflamed, as is the case with IBS.  But hopefully it is a bug or virus that is making it worse than normal and not I'm just getting worse.

I am not losing weight because its all going right through me or because I'm not eating. I've been dropping weight because I'm eating very low carb.  After a lot of research I have decided to limit certain carbs.  I have eliminated a lot of foods that feed bacteria in the gut.  Hopefully this will just be for a couple weeks and I will be able to re-introduce some things back in. 

When not in pain, I have actually been feeling really good.  It's been 6 days no sugar or grains! And 4 no dairy. 

Also after some research I am sadly going to have to put a hold on half marathon training.  It totally makes sense once you really think about it, that too much intense carido or work outs at all can cause stress on your body.  And for someone with inflammation already it could trigger these flare ups.  So for now I will be WALKING  a lot, swimming, doing Yoga and lifting weights.  I'm ok with that.  My overall health is more important than running. 

Not dieting is a state of mind.  I can say, I am eating low-carb, and then totally binge a day later, and yo-yo back and forth.  But when I think of it as for my heath and how I will FEEL after I eat and not weight loss only, then I don't feel like it's a diet. 

I mean, it is hard. We were at a friends house lats night and everyone was eating pizza.  I could've had a piece.  It smelled really good. No one was telling me not to.  But I knew if I ate it I would really regret it by how I felt from it. So I didn't. 

Let's just all face it.  Food is so tricky.  You have to eat.  It has the power to heal you or to kill you.  Obesity kills people.  I don't want to be one of those sad stories.  Because clearly, my body is telling me something. 

I have been kinda depressed about it all.  But I can CHOOSE to look at the bright side.  The bight side is I am losing weight fast (I have a lot to lose), that I feel better, that I am helping my body and not harming it, and that I look forward to walking and swimming for health and to de-stress. 

I decided I am going to log all my miles and see how many I can walk for the rest of the year (l read walking is actually THE BEST way to lose fat, that and heavy weight lifting, not running and pushing your body to a max, which raises cortisol levels and causes the opposite to happen--read The Paleo Coach) .  I'm shifting my goals.  With out the stress :)

I'm sorry my journey is always changing.  But it is MY journey, and I have to do what I have to do. I hope everyone has what works for them.  And there are many different obstacles on any one persons journey, and we shouldn't feel bad about it. 
xo

Irony.

It's complete and total ridiculous irony that yesterday I posted how I don't want to ever cut any foods out because that makes me want to eat that exact forbidden food and how I think that's an unhealthy mindset. So of course, last night I ended up in the ER for THE WORST...I mean worst abdominal pail I've ever been in. Worse than giving natural birth to Will. Way worse. 

No diagnoses. Not my appendix. Thank God. And I've already had my gallbladder out (remember all that?!). 

These pains started about 4 years ago, but last night was beyond tolerable. I had my gallbladder removed because we thought they were gallbladder attacks. Idk, maybe it's still related? 

I've written how when I eat too much sugar my stomach hurts badly the next day. Well we've called my tummy issues IBS. I'm so praying it's nothing serious like Crohns or something. But it could be and what I eat greatly effects everything. 

The pain is In the lower abdomen. 

Anyways, I need to find a GI doctor and get to the bottom of it. 

And, I need to just face up to the fact that I can't just eat whatever I want. Not to lose weight, not to be healthy. Because I was eating super well yesterday then we went to a BBQ and I ate several cookies instead of a hamburger. Sweets are my Kryptonite. 

DONT THINK I want to diet. I do NOT want to diet. But when it's the ER or no sugar (assuming that's it) than well I'm not gonna eat sugar. 

I'm very depressed about it all today. It was horrible and embaressing experience and HELLO....I've been blogging about losing weight for 4 years!!! I should stinken KNOW what is good for me and what MY body can and can't tolerate and I should be SKINNY by now DANG IT! 

Yes I had three pregnancies in there but for reals. I should be over all this. I'm not okay with accepting an unhealthy life. My boys and husband mean so much to me to live fat, unhappy and sick. 

I'm not sure what I'm saying. I guess I'm saying last night was a wake up call that if I keep eating as much sugar as I want to, I'm gonna end up really really sick. And sugar isn't worth it. 

Now if I see a GI doctor and he says oh you have such and such and it's not food related than okay. But for now I see the pattern and I eat too much sugar then I have pain. So grudgingly I'm cutting way back on sugar. Doing the exact thing I don't want to do (cut out a food). But sugar isn't good for anyone anyways. 

I'm pulling up my big girl panties and doing what needs to be done. 

I have been thinking all day about it, and telling myself, "this is NOT a diet".   And I still NEVER EVER want to diet again. Dieting is a mindset. And I've worked hard on changing my mind. 

I apologized to everyone last night so many times. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."  I felt like such a loser! But ya know what? Gonna dust myself off and work around it. 

Three weeks no dieting!

I say it every post but overcoming dieting will be a long road. For instance, I'm itching to weigh myself. But I don't think I've lost weight and I don't want to feel disappointed. I have made lots of mental progress.  

I want to be wise with my words...I don't ever want to have the mentality that I'll NEVER have pizza or a brownie again. That's what I thought every diet. That thinking is the enemy. Because hello, is that true? Probably not. And all that does is make me want to eat all the pizzas and brownies in the world. 

I didn't feel that way about pizza and such on WW because you CAN eat anything. But once I over ate at a meal and knew my points were shot, I'd blow it the rest of the day. 

I ultimately want to eat good that fuels and nourishes my body. It's a process..

Ok, so no more good restrictions or quanity restrictions. 

When I quit dieting June 4, I freed myself from the chains of food! Nothing is off limits! I can eat ANYTHING I want to. Wow. Take away the deprivation and then I don't really care about any foods in particular. This is huge progress!!!! Honestly, I haven't even been eating chocolate everyday {can you believe that?}. 

So I can eat whatever I want and how much I want. Ok great. How do I lose weight? I am 70ish pounds over weight still and need/want it gone NOW, for GOOD.  

I highly recommend the book "Thin Side Out-how to have your cupcake and skinny jeans too". I don't know the name of the author right now, I'm laying down nursing Will :-)

She writes about HDE (Hunger Direct Eating). It's really been helping me. Seems simple but obviously with our busy, stressful, diet filled lives we've lost this inner "thintelegence". 

1. Wait to eat until you are hungry--recognizing true hunger. It's a gentle, hallow feeling on your stomach. 

2. STOP eating when you've had enough fuel. Your food tastes better when you are hungry, and it starts to lose it's taste as you're full. Practice this. {I have a hard time stopping when full}. 

3. Eat what you really want. And then take note of how that food makes you FEEL. {good one for me!!} 

4. Learn how to crave a walk more than a cupcake when you're feeling stressed or emotional. Wow...this one I love. But I have to really practice. She says a 10 min walk elevates your mood, clears your head, and makes you feel better. Where as if you eat the cupcake, you'll feel worse. 

I said I wasn't going to weigh myself or do anything but exercise and log all my food into MFP everyday. I've stuck to that. I love both so much! I feel empowered and yet free. 

 And right now I'm researching ways to "eat to preform". 

I stated half marathon training (well actually C25k to get me going). My last 2 body pump classes I left early because I felt so nauseous! It was horrible. And frustrating. I realized I'm not eating to fuel my work outs and I'm eating to soon before I go. I have fitness goals and I don't want to throw away all my hard work outs away in the kitchen. 

I'm trying to balance researching fuel for my body with OUT thinking of it as dieting.  More on this later. :) here's some pics! Mommy and will went on a 2 mile hole alone :) so peaceful. Don't worry there were lots of people around. 

Played soccer, raced, and pulled the boys for an hour. Good burn! 

Below was this am around 7am, just finished C25k day 1. Loved it because the lady on the app tells you when to walk and run! 

It's not all roses.

It's really depressing when you think** you're making progress then you catch a glimpse of yourself from the side in a window. Smh. I have soooo much work to do. How//why did I get here?  Thinking a lot about this lately. My husband and I would always scoff when Jillian Michael's on the biggest loser would go for the "water works show" and get contestants to cry. But honestly I'm like right there. I feel like I am finally seeing clearly. God has been helping me everyday and remembering little things as to what made me start dieting to begin with. Only going forward from here. 

I've been still going strong not dieting. Two weeks today!! Seems like longer! I'm scared to weigh myself in fear that it will mess up my mental progress. But I'm so curious. I'm still gonna wait till July 1. Then either weigh once a month or twice a month. Idk yet. 

I had a crummy work out Monday. Went to the gym for Body Pump and I'm not fond of this teacher. I mean she's good at weight lifting but I think The other teacher is better. 

I had the horrible stomach pain monday morning (probably from too much sugar//which I need to get a handle on and I'm praying daily for God's help), and then didn't feel good allll day. Just blah, and very very tired. So I left after 40 mins when she was about to do lunges. I HATE lunges. But I LOVE squats. ;-) Here I am Monday, feeling fat and like any progress I saw last week was gone. Blah. 

Tuesday i woke up early even though all four boys woke me up several times the night before for no reason! I got all ready to go run than my husband told me he had to leave early! Ugh! I could've slept lol! This week the boys have swim lessons every morning at the Y.  

I decided to take all four boys on a "run" which was really a hike/walk. It didn't go well. Way to hilly for their bikes and scooters so I ended up waiting for them a lot. 

Yes I'm wearing the same shirt as Monday. Ha! 

It was a beautiful hike though. 

I've decided to do another half marathon. I need a fitness goal, something to hold me accountable. I even thought of doing a triathlon again too. We will see... 

today started half marathon training again and I can hardly run for 2 mins. Ugh so depressing! I woke up early and went before Davey had to leave. 

I'm  Gonna do a half in Santa Barbara Nov 8. That gives me plenty of time to train and Will would just have turned one! 

I plan to sign up for a few other races in between to keep me going. And Wharf to Wharf 10k is in July! I paid for that months ago. 

There's this new hot diet called IIFYM (if it fits your macros). Idk a lot about it except it's very popular and it's basically the opposite of Paleo. Lol great definition ;) I was tempted to look it up today. I got the "new start" butterflies a little bit, but I squashed it pretty quick. I'm not for or against it at all. But I can not go there again. No more dieting for me ever again. If I want to eat a certain way, fine. But by God's grace I'll never do another "day 1" or "off day". And again please don't think I'm against those either! I just can't mentally handle that. 

what IS a diet then? Well to me, I consider a diet something that can start and stop. Like I always "started" on Monday and on vacation I was "off" of it. 

I finally realized there is no "starting over" or stopping! I log all my food no matter how much I eat! I log it into myfitnesspal app. So I go on vacation, I still log all my foods. Why not? It's OKAY that I went over. Nothing is off limits. 

If you hate logging your food than DONT! Don't count calories or do anything!! Give yourself full permission to eat whatever you want and don't ever go on a diet again. Seriously. Suddenly.....you don't really care to eat the whole buffet on the cruise because "diet starts again on Monday!" No. You eat what appeals to you, and you know if you don't eat all the cookies on the buffet table that's ok because you can have cookies when you get home if you really want them. 

I MUST sound crazy right now but that's what dieting did to me. So this new thinking is amazing. Please know I'm not talking to anyone but myself or anyone struggling with this like me. I always say it, I love WW. Love Paleo. Love clean eating. Love counting calories. I really do! So if you do that I support you. But for this yo-yo dieter--- I'm DONE dieting. 

It takes work. I have a lot of work to do and damage done to undo. Is that good grammar?? 

Anyways, thanks for dealing with my drama and long posts. :)