Irony.

It's complete and total ridiculous irony that yesterday I posted how I don't want to ever cut any foods out because that makes me want to eat that exact forbidden food and how I think that's an unhealthy mindset. So of course, last night I ended up in the ER for THE WORST...I mean worst abdominal pail I've ever been in. Worse than giving natural birth to Will. Way worse. 

No diagnoses. Not my appendix. Thank God. And I've already had my gallbladder out (remember all that?!). 

These pains started about 4 years ago, but last night was beyond tolerable. I had my gallbladder removed because we thought they were gallbladder attacks. Idk, maybe it's still related? 

I've written how when I eat too much sugar my stomach hurts badly the next day. Well we've called my tummy issues IBS. I'm so praying it's nothing serious like Crohns or something. But it could be and what I eat greatly effects everything. 

The pain is In the lower abdomen. 

Anyways, I need to find a GI doctor and get to the bottom of it. 

And, I need to just face up to the fact that I can't just eat whatever I want. Not to lose weight, not to be healthy. Because I was eating super well yesterday then we went to a BBQ and I ate several cookies instead of a hamburger. Sweets are my Kryptonite. 

DONT THINK I want to diet. I do NOT want to diet. But when it's the ER or no sugar (assuming that's it) than well I'm not gonna eat sugar. 

I'm very depressed about it all today. It was horrible and embaressing experience and HELLO....I've been blogging about losing weight for 4 years!!! I should stinken KNOW what is good for me and what MY body can and can't tolerate and I should be SKINNY by now DANG IT! 

Yes I had three pregnancies in there but for reals. I should be over all this. I'm not okay with accepting an unhealthy life. My boys and husband mean so much to me to live fat, unhappy and sick. 

I'm not sure what I'm saying. I guess I'm saying last night was a wake up call that if I keep eating as much sugar as I want to, I'm gonna end up really really sick. And sugar isn't worth it. 

Now if I see a GI doctor and he says oh you have such and such and it's not food related than okay. But for now I see the pattern and I eat too much sugar then I have pain. So grudgingly I'm cutting way back on sugar. Doing the exact thing I don't want to do (cut out a food). But sugar isn't good for anyone anyways. 

I'm pulling up my big girl panties and doing what needs to be done. 

I have been thinking all day about it, and telling myself, "this is NOT a diet".   And I still NEVER EVER want to diet again. Dieting is a mindset. And I've worked hard on changing my mind. 

I apologized to everyone last night so many times. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."  I felt like such a loser! But ya know what? Gonna dust myself off and work around it.