A brain change

I really feel quite amazing. I've had a brain change. I know this might seem like, "what now?" But I really feel more free and at peace with food then I can ever remember. 

I woke up the other morning and had "too many points" for breakfast and immediately I felt so mad at myself. I thought, I'm just going to throw in the towel for the whole day, why even bother? Or maybe I'll just restart again on Monday? Then I got even more mad at myself and reminding myself that I have been restarting since February.

 I prayed (and cried) and just thought all day on what this cycle is doing to me. starting, stopping, eating everything in sight so I can get it all in before I start again on Monday. This is what my dieting life is been like since I can remember (talking young girl) and it's not working. 

I recently read a book called "Thin Side Out", and it really opened my eyes to what dieting mentality does to somebody. There's actually people out there that don't have issues with food and dieting. Wow shocker. 

People that don't eat when they're not hungry and eat when hungry, stop when full and eat whatever they want. What!? 

I read that book a couple months ago but I just didn't do anything about it. I just stored the information in my brain and just thought, "that's probably not for me. I have to diet or I can't lose weight."

 My excuse was "well I don't diet when I'm pregnant and that's when I gain all the weight!" But after I really thought about it.....I thought, my whole pregnancy I'm thinking I better live it up now because soon I won't be able to eat whatever I want!!

I realize that some of you reading this might think that I sound crazy. I know this is not a normal way of thinking in regards to food, and it's very unhealthy. 

Wednesday June 4, 2014, I decided to stop dieting. I just decided that I'm not going to do anymore. I can't keep starting, stopping, starting, stopping. And I know I was successful before I had Will. I had lost almost 80 pounds. But was I really successful? Because I gained 50+ back. I kept saying "it's not a diet , it's a lifestyle!" But I didn't really believe that. And my actions showed it. 

For it to be a lifestyle, I really just have to stop dieting and change the way I think about food. I need to have a healthy relationship with food and therefore I decided to stop dieting. 

I realize it'll probably take me longer to lose weight this way, but it doesn't matter because I think this way I'll actually keep it off and I'll really make it a lifestyle change. 

I decided for the month of June 
Im not going to weigh myself, and all I'm going to do is log my food every single day into MyFitnessPal and exercise. 

I give myself freedom to eat whatever I want and as much as I want whether I'm over the points or the calories. You're probably thinking, "well that's not healthy".  But it is. Because I'm having a Brain Change. 

It's amazing what that mentality shift has done for me already. The other day I saw junior mints in the car and I immediately got a little sad, because I "couldn't have any". But then, I remembered. "Ah ha! Yes I can! I can eat them all if I want to!!!! Hahaha!!! Eh, I don't really want any right now. Maybe later."  Seriously that happened. Today at target I passed by Oreo's. For a sec I thought, "I should get those. It's Friday (cheat day) after all." Then I remembered. I can eat Oreos any day now. And I didn't REALLY want them. 

I've been going to the gym, as part of this pact. I'm gonna focus on working out, as well as logging all my food. Usually if I'm not eating right I won't work out. Because what's the point right? 

I do enjoy "me time" while I walk, run or go to the gym. But food inconsistency was keeping me from doing something I like AND that's good for me. How silly is THAT?! Now, I find that since I'm workingout hard, maybe I don't want to Blow all that hard work on a snack? Hm. 

I reluctantly explained my brain change to my husband and he said, "you're finally doing what I've always told you!" God bless him for putting up with all my "Mondays" and "this is it"'s. 

I don't even know if I'll lose any weight this month, but that's ok. I have a lot of brain/food healing to do. Please, no judgement here. I DO know I should be eating totally clean diet. I really believe this leads there. Baby steps. I  really writing this for myself, and maybe there's another mama out there feeling just like me. 

I've been faithful to track all my food and work out every day since I decided this. (Lol 3 days). I've actually been under my target calories or just above, and I have no desires to eat "forbidden" foods. 

Somehow it seems so much easier now that I took all the pressure off from a diet. Even though I AM trying to lose weight, first I have to retrain my brain. 

I have no clue if this is making sense to anyone. It makes sense to me. Lol. 

I've had so many "epiphany's" and start overs" that I thought, I should just delete my blog. Who wants to read this! But than a friend that's lost 125 lbs reminded me, that she too had to start over, and over, and over.  Everyone does. Each day is a new day. Weight watchers is amazing. I LOVE it. But I was treating it like a DIET. And that's not their fault. 

I AM NOT SAYING that everyone should stop dieting. But for ME, a girl like that has always been dieting and always gaining/losing....I need a brain change! 

I made these. I am a very visual person. And I like collecting things. 

Each day I track all day and each day I work out a quarter goes into the jar.

Also...my hubby bought me these!!!! Yay! I love rollerblading! Brings me back to my kiddy days :) they were almost impossible to find in a store. And I already fell today :( it was Shane's fault. He's learning to ride his bike w no training wheels and literally pulled me down with him. It hurt.

Yesterday I did body pump (and increased my back weight!!) and then we ran/walked 3 miles last night as a family. It was beautiful and I love living by the beach! Man though I can barely sit on the toilet today my quads are on FIRE!!!! Ouchie. 

 

Ok, here's to no dieting. 

Xoxo