chronicles of a curvy housewife: this far photos binge proud

Gulp.

I have some confessions.

I've already confessed them to God. Now I will confess them to you.

I have a lot of housework to do before my husband gets home tonight.

I have been wearing the same pj's for a few days now. Yes I have showered. But I just put my pj's back on after.

I was feeling really down all week.

Last & worst... last night I tried to binge. In doing so I spent money I shouldn't have.

There. I said it. Here's the dealyo.

In yesterdays post I wrote all about my plan to get off the 190 fence. Well. I was doing really good. Then as the sun went down, I became sad, lonely, discouraged, confused, emotional, and every feeling you can think of. I didn't know why then, but I do now.

I just finished my first half marathon on Sunday! You'd think I'd still be on a high from that. Well, after the excitement from the race and Disneyland, we got home and my husband had to leave for work out of town.

Between the race being over, my husband being gone, and hormones from the female curse, I was down...all week.

I was not motivated to lose weight this week. I couldn't work out because I needed to recover (I was so sore I couldn't if I tried). I ate, then got sadder. Then ate again. Then I made a plan to get out of this rut. But I wasn't ready. Last night was the hardest night this week, and I just wanted to get out of the house. I talked to Davey and told him all I felt (and cried), and he said not to give into my flesh and eat, but to fight it and be strong. He was totally right.

I knew if I went to Walmart I would buy something sweet to eat. I really needed dog food, but I decided I would just give them rice to avoid the temptations of the store. Then I realized we needed something else, so we got dressed and went.

I decided to get a movie to pick me up and take my mind off of everything. Shane saw a Batman cartoon and had to have it. It was cheap so I said ok. Then I got a girlie movie for myself. We hadn't had dinner yet, so I got frozen pizza. Digorno's now has a pizza that comes with cookie dough for the same price! Score. Then we got candy. And chips [Doritos Cool Ranch]. I was getting excited that we were gonna have a little pizza party and watch our movies. I felt better.

When we got home I made the pizza and cookies. I ate some chips while preparing our plates and had 3 cookies before we sat down. I was FULL. "What? Seriously? 3 cookies (small ones) and a handful of chips and I feel so full?". I tried to force myself to eat a piece of pizza and some candy, but I felt like I was going to be sick. So I stopped. Just shows me how far I've come.

Oddly enough, I didn't feel the guilt. I felt like I was treating myself and boys to a fun night. We NEVER do this! They were so excited! When I was pregnant with Cody, this was a regular thing for me and Shane. [I say Shane so I don't feel alone]. But SO much worse.

I can't believe I am writing this. People I know read this. Hey I was pregnant. [Good excuse, I know]. We would get fast food, and donuts and eat and watch a movie, then take a nap together. It was blissful. But so bad. That's how I got to my heaviest weight.

I am SO proud to say. I have NOT done that in over a year. And when I tried I couldn't. My body wouldn't let me. I am going to try everyday to do right. I don't want to give into my flesh and eat. With God's help, He will help me lose the rest of the weight. In His time.

Proverbs 24:16 "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again...." The key word in this verse is R I S E T H.

There is something I am going to try to add to my healthy habits. I am going to try hard not to eat in the late evening. The summer I got married I weighed 174-172 when we got home from college, I had two months to get into shape for the wedding. My plan was so simple. Work out, and don't eat after 4:00pm. I lost 12-14 pounds in less than 2 months, weighing 159.7 the day I was married.

I know not eating after 4:00pm is a little extreme, but I am going to try my best to not eat too late. Sometimes we eat dinner at 7:30pm. The longer you have to burn off the food you ate before you go to bed the better.
I am feeling much better. I am encouraged in the Lord. Hopeful I will have a good week, and excited to see the scale go down again. The truth is...I've come so far. I am posting these photos to help me see just how far I've come!

Oh, and new readers... I am NOT always a downer. So thanks for bearing with me.

October 2009.