Weigh In 11 weeks pregnant

Last Thursday (last time I stepped on the scale) I was 165.3!!! Whoa. That's just about 80 lb loss! I have NOT been trying these last 10 lbs.

I am so glad to have kicked that stomach bug finally (only took 9 days!!).  Two more weeks until I'm in the 2nd trimester.  I can't wait to not be so tired, nauseous, depressed (yes my hormones are mad wacky), weepy, and I'm ready to have an appetite again!

Right now I absolutely don't want anything to eat besides the few things I crave. I can't even look at a plate of food that isn't what I want! LOL
There are only a few things I have been craving that I can eat, a turkey sandwich on gluten free bread, with mayo, lettuce, and tomatoes, and Honey Chex gluten free cereal. Everything else I crave has gluten...:( which makes me VERY depressed.  I want the stupidest things: donuts, brownies, Jack in the Box Tacos, ravioli, and......my biggest craving.....WALNUT SHRIMP!!!! Oh yum. But so sad.

I am seriously considering reintroducing gluten back into my diet. It's soooo frustrating to have to always make sure nothing has gluten, and the price of a loaf of bread is $5!! I mean....it's so inconvenient.  Saturday morning I got sick with "gluten pain" and I couldn't think for the life of me what I ate. Then I remembered that two days before I ate 1 bar of a Kit Kat. I went and looked at the package...WHEAT FLOUR! Ugh! One dumb little bar. Then a crazy thought, what if I keep eating just a little bit at a time and see if the pain will subside after a time? But do I really want to eat something that will hurt my body again?

Last night we went to the gym of our church for a fellowship time and I thought* I got everything gluten free...then I found out pudding has flour in it. Yikes! I skipped all the brownies and cookies and the dumb pudding got me! I was a little mad so I ate a little piece of sugar cookie...gulp...so far today I've been ok, but pain could come tomorrow....prayerfully not. We will see. 

Reece is finally taking a bottle of vit D milk!!! yay! even though he may be old for a bottle...I am just glad he is nursing a lot less. And soon he will be totally weaned. We are still working on him sleeping through the night. 

You know what....I don't know if it's the pregnancy or what but lately I just want to abandon all the things I'm interested and passionate about.  I'm not enjoying my photography that much, I haven't touched any of the books I've boughten on health and nutrition, and I am wavering in my faith of "clean eating" and "natural health".  Sounds like depression doesn't it?

Well I try SO hard to keep us all healthy, eat less processed foods, eat organic, ect ect, and we still got the evil death virus, and then we all got a cold after.  I'm a little bitter about it all.  I KNOW processed foods are bad.  I KNOW nutrition matters.  I KNOW gluten is bad for me.  But it's not motivating me...does this make sense? I look at my friends that cook delicious foods full of not so good stuff, and brownies for desert and I think, "Why can't I just do that? Why do I have to have health issues with bad food and they don't?" Truth is a lot of them do, and people struggle with their own demons, but I just want to NOT WORRY ABOUT IT for a little while.....sigh.  My husband is acting like I'm an alcoholic that wants to start drinking again! I bought hot dogs and chips and he was like, "what's going on here? Don't quit!" LOL
I don't want to quit and eat a bunch of crud, I just want to not have to stress about it so much....for a time...

I am reaping great things!!! I mean, my friends see me and say, "whoa!". My sister in law who hadn't seen me since Christmas came over last week and she said, "Oh my gosh! Adrienne! you look anorexic!" LOL um thank you?
DID I MENTION that I healed a cavity too!? Yes! I was using a dental scrapper a couple weeks ago and the decay of one of my tooth with a good size cavity scrapped right out!!! I'm not lying! All clean smooth white tooth under it.  I still have some big ones I am working on. More about that soon. 
So I know clean eating, healthy living really does reap great things.  But right now I just want to stay in my PJ's, watch a girl movie, and eat a box of donuts. Mkay? 

God, Life, Love, Marriage & Kids

Up & down. Up & down.

That's me.

I have not been like this, well in...ever. If you read my blog, please bare with me. I won't be like this forever. I promise. Blue sky is coming!

One day I am okay, getting things done, the next I am depressed and not getting ANYTHING done.

I know these emotions are caused by circumstances, and hormones. I totally sympathize with people who struggle with depression. You really don't understand it unless you've felt it. The only time I have really been depressed is when I had "Baby Blues". I was so sad and weepy even though I just had a baby! Made no sense, it was my hormones!! But reading God's word, and time healed that.

You know what is awesome though? Jesus knows how we feel. He was homesick and missed His Father. He was depressed, lonely, and cried a lot. Imagine the loneliness He felt when He took the whole worlds sin upon Him and His Father had to turn away from Him. He had it worse than any of us. He wants to comfort us and for us to tell Him how we feel. I am ashamed to say that a lot of the time I don't turn to Him, instead I yell at the boys, get mad at my husband for being so busy with work, then I sulk for hours.

I was reading a missionary wife's book, and boy did I feel like a brat after. I am thankful to be in the USA, to have a great house, job, and family. So thankful for my marriage, I love my husband so much and he puts up with all my ups & downs even though he is thoroughly confused by them. I am thankful my kids are healthy, happy, and that I get to be their Mommy. I am thankful my kids love me know matter what. Even if I don't get dressed all day or brush my hair.

I am thankful for God and His will for us!! I am thankful He loves me despite all my flaws. I am thankful for my life, and that this life doesn't have to be a sad, miserable life, that God can bring us out and show us true joy.

Cody turned two on the 9th! We went to Chuck E. Cheese just us four. It was awesome.

I love my God, my life, my marriage, and my kids!!

P.S. God is so good. Someone donated a ton of gym equipment to the boys ranch and guess where it's going to be stored?? mi casa. Si senorita. Yay!! Praying a nice treadmill and spin bike come. But I have NO idea, it could be all weight equipment, and old. We'll see :)

Love, The Curvy Housewife

Motivation

The baby was due this week. The 15th. I keep going over in my head how excited I would be, packing my bags for the hospital, my mom coming to stay with the boys, Davey on call all the time in case I went into labor. And if it was anything like Cody's birth, I would be totally prepared for a FAST delivery. I would be cleaning and sorting and making room for our new little bundle of joy. I really didn't think this week was going to be this hard.

I have been depressed, down, and sad. Crying here and there, lonely because Davey is away for work, and un-motivated to do anything.

I have been drawing nigh to God, and His comfort is real. Friends that have gone through this comfort me as well. I am so thankful to God for my boys, and my husband, and my home, and family, and friends, and that I am a homemaker, and that I have lost weight, and my fitness level, and so much more.

I am really writing this post for me. Not for everyone to feel sorry for me, everyone has had hard times. I need to remind myself what I am doing in this time of my life. I need to remind myself my goals so I don't try to get pregnant because I am sad. But the truth is, I really want another baby.

I am motivated to lose the weight, so in summer, I can get pregnant and have confidence of a healthy pregnancy. Right now, my biggest motivation for losing weight is that. Because I want another baby. I am motivated to achieve the goals I have set for myself this year while I can before another baby comes.

I am determined to lose the weight, to compete in my goals of triathlons, foot races, ect. I want to be fully ready to get pregnant. Both times I got pregnant with the boys I was not at an ideal weight or health, and because I indulged in way to many donuts boxes of donuts, I became very huge, and unhealthy. I don't want to go back to that. I am so close to my goal I can feel it. [I like to tell myself that 50 pounds is close].

So all that to say to myself, stay on course. Lose the weight. Complete your goals. Grow closer to God in this time. Then baby time.

I was born to be a wife and mother. Ever since I was little I wanted a huge family. I had day dreams about a house so full we all slept nestled together. I always hoped my Mom was pregnant and going to surprise me. Seriously. The mind of a little girl! I was not an only child but my sister was 4 years older than me and had her own cool life.

Ask anyone. I've always adored babies! So when I met my best friend in junior high, Kayla, and her family had 7 kids. I always wanted to be there! One of many reasons I fell in love with my husband [who is Kayla's oldest brother]. :)

Davey and I can honestly say we want many children. We always said 8. After we had the boys people would say, "Still want 8 kids!??". Honestly... I still want a big family! I think 5 would be perfect, but I would be happy with 4-8 kids. Or how ever many the Lord allows us. :)

I had yesterday off of training. It was nice. We went to a friends for dinner and that was encouraging, and nice to get out of the house. Today: Yoga & Cycle {hopefully, if I can get a spot}.

You know what is so hard about Triathlon training?! You have... not 1, not 2, but 3 sports in which you have to master and train for! Very time consuming and tiring. I am pumped, and
M O T I V A T E D to get it done though. In a couple of months training will be very hard.

Well, I've got laundry to do, Ground Turkey Spaghetti sauce in the crock pot for dinner to attend to, and lunch to feed the boys.

Thanks for reading my depressing post ;)

Love, The Curvy Housewife